Than Shwe

Senior General of Burma

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  • In-Country Power
  • International Power
  • Respect
  • Military Strength
  • Intelligence
  • Special Skill: Ruthless Rectum

Official Stats

  • Official Title: Chairman of the State Peace and Development Council of Myanmar
  • Government: Military Dictatorship
  • Years Left in Office: Life. Or the next coup.
  • Political Classification: Extreme-right
  • Education: None. Just has killer instincts.
  • Age: 91 (born February 2, 1933)

Than Shwe Facts and Information

Important Points

  • Than Shwe is the ruthless military dictator that heads the state of Burma, an impoverished Southeast Asian country
  • Than Shwe possess virtually all power over the state and every facet of its economy and government
  • Than Shwe's Burma is economically embargoed by 'the West', but both China and India keep their economy afloat by buying Burmese natural resources
  • Than Shwe is responsible for keeping Aung San Suu Kyi under house arrest for 14 of the last 20 years.
  • Than Shwe is perhaps the worst abuser of human rights on the planet, but is shielded by China against any international actions.

The Rundown

The current Burmese bastard-in-chief, Than Shwe is the top dog of the flea-bitten freaks that comprise the leadership elite of the military junta holding Burma hostage. He simultaneously holds a barrage of bogus titles: he is “Chairman of the State Peace and Development Council” and “Commander in Chief of the Defense Services” as well as the Minister of Defense. Whatever. He can call himself anything he wants, because he can…he controls all the guns, holds all the cards, has all the power, and has shown no signs after 18 years of brutal rule that he has any intention on having that situation change.

Burma didn’t start out this way though. See, Burma was originally trying to establish itself as a democracy after their independence from the British in 1948, but due to political in-fighting and the assassination of the most popular leader of the time (Aung San, hero of the revolution and father of Aung San Suu Kyi) the military elite stepped in and took over in 1962…and has held power over the country ever since.  And one of those military maniacs was our dear friend Than Shwe.  Originally a postman, he joined the army at an early age, and was in place to quickly move up the rancid ranks after the military coup of ‘62 which put General Ne Win in power.

During his early years in the army, Than Shwe was assigned to the “psychological warfare” unit…which is fitting since he himself is a psycho. He participated in the brutal repression of ethnic minorities (particularly the Karen ethnic group) which usually included slaughtering civilians and burning down villages. Than earned a reputation for his willingness to kill without remorse, for showing no mercy even to unarmed combatants, and for carrying out the most inhumane orders without question. By most definitions, this behavior qualifies you as a psychopath; in Burma it means you have great leadership potential. He was later reassigned to the capital, Rangoon, where he oversaw the brutal suppression of any public political thought or free will.

After decades of crappy rule by Than’s boss General Ne Win, the society was bankrupt and pissed off and staged political protest to throw the general out. This was the infamous 8-8-88 Uprising in which the military opened fire on its own citizens, slaughtering thousands of unarmed men, women, children, and monks in order to maintain its hold on the society.  After the 8-8-88, internal elements in the military raised yet another coup to topple Ne (rabid dogs often turn on each other), and thus the weasel Than Shwe became one of the top cabinet advisors of the new government. After several other successive stints by slime-balls, Than Shwe ultimately assumed the top slot in 1992.

Not wanting to be outdone by his repugnant predecessors, Than Shwe has devised ever more diabolical deeds to destroy his country. A bitter, withdrawn, total opponent of democratization, Shwe has purged all internal military opposition to his rule, jailed and/or killed pro-democracy advocates and innocent civilians, consolidated all political power to himself, destroyed the press, purged out foreigners, repressed ethnic minorities (including the Karen), all while lining his own pockets from sales of Burmese natural resources.

But Than Shwe’s evilness knows no bounds. He also refuses to met with UN officials, covertly allows the Burmese heroine trade to flourish, and gave the order to refuse foreign aid after the devastating Cyclone Nargis of 2009 wiped out half his country. He has no qualms about using systematic rape, torture, and kidnapping to suppress his fellow countrymen into submission. Oh, and for our story, Than Shwe has overseen the release and re-jailing of pro-democracy advocate and Nobel Peace Prize recipient Aung San Suu Kyi, being personally responsible for her incarceration for 14 of the last 20 years. What a bastard.

How does a worm like this continue to remain in power, even while his disastrous economic policies keep Burma impoverished? In a word: China. China, of course, is a big believer in the concept of state sovereignty, a basic tenet of which is the idea that the ruler of a state has the right to do anything he wants to the people of that state, as long as he’s not messing with other sovereign states…so China has absolutely no problem with any country destroying its own people (see Burma, Sudan, North Korea, etc), and in fact would argue that no one from outside a sovereign state has the right to say or do anything to resolve ‘domestic’ issues of the state. What a crock. On top of that, China has absolutely NO interest in seeing a vibrant and dynamic democracy flourish on its southern border…they don’t want a billion Chinese folks gettin’ no uppity ideas!

So China supports the human shit-heap named Shwe, and has no problem with suppression of human rights nor of continued incarceration of Aung San Suu Kyi. That’s why you have never heard anything about this mess at the UN…because as a permanent member of the Security Council, China vetoes any measures ever taken against their Burmese brothers. Too bad. China is way too big a power with way too much self-respect to continue to allow such sick shenanigans to happen in their shadow.

But China also supports him because they like to buy lots of Burmese natural resources for cheap prices! Shwe gives them sweet deals on oil, lumber, and other natural resources, since most of the western world boycotts the brutal regime. And China is not alone in this endeavor: India needs those resources too, so even though India is supposedly a supporter of democratic ideals, they also line the pockets of the Burmese elite by bidding against the Chinese companies for access to the goods. The Indians make the argument that ‘well, if we don’t buy the stuff, then China will anyway…so we might as well buy it!” Oh India. If your friends were going to jump off a bridge, would you do it too? Someone write a letter to Mannmohan Singh and smack some sense into him on this issue. So india and China: both helping to keep the brutal Burmese military machine in the money by buying their goods, with Than Shwe at the top banana of the rotten bunch.

A last bit of trivia on Than Shwe: Born on February 2, Groundhog’s Day! On the day of his birth, I wish someone would have shoved that woodchuck back in its hole and sealed it up with concrete.  Rumor has it that he is a diabetic and is suffering from intestinal cancer. Good. He can’t suffer enough in my book. I don’t say that type of thing very often about fellow humans, but in his case I’m willing to make an exception since he is barely human at all. Than Shwe’s flagrant disregard for human life or liberty at every level, his enriching himself while his country is impoverished, his holding an entire country hostage at his whim…all of these things makes him one of the absolute worst most despicable ‘leaders’ currently alive on planet earth.

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