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Gaza Grind Gets Gritty

Alright, alright, alright already! Greetings global watchers. Plaid Avenger is back again in the written word with more non-stop interpretation and interpolation of events that cause all sorts of global consternation. I’m sobering up and getting back in the saddle to be your World Regions super-correspondent from all points abroad…as opposed to being on all points on a broad! Wow! I’m back in fine form already! That should surely offend some of you folks…

But you know what offends people even more than my scurrilous and scandalous shenanigans? Gazan house party. Does the fun ever stop?Well, the forced starvation of 1.5 million people of course! I’ve heard that you all are inquiring about some action going down in a place called Gaza, and you need some help figuring it all out. Just last week, a cease-fire ended, and shit got shot up on both sides of this bickering border, leaving a bunch of Gaza folks caught in a big embargo grinder that is slowly churning them into non-existence. Wow! That doesn’t sound like something we usully allow to happen, so what gives? It’s a big freakin’ mess to be sure, but check out just a smattering of today’s events to get a taste of the shit d’jour:

Israel reinstitutes Gaza blockade after brief respite, UN reports

U.N. calls Israel’s blockade of Gaza “unacceptable”

Rights group blasts Israel for ‘collective punishment’ in Gaza

Israel keeps blockade imposed on Gaza, militants fire more rockets

Gazans despair over blockade

What the living hell is going on in this place? I’m glad you asked. As of right this second, the Hamas-controlled Gaza Strip is being ignored by the Fatah-controlled West Bank, and it is also being totally embargoed by Jewish-controlled Israel….meaning there is a big ass wall around the entire place, and all exits have been sealed off. No one goes in, no one comes out. But the folks in Gaza don’t really have much of an economy, nor food production, nor the ability to make medical supplies or fuel, so as of right now they are all there chillin’ out and starving to death. Well, a few of them have been busy building retro rockets, not to send back in time, but to send over the wall into Israel. Rumor has it that one of those rockets almost made a pothole….but I am getting ahead of myself as usual…

Kids in Gaza playing tag…with Israeli rocketsMost of the world, as well as the entire UN Security Council (minus the US), are berating Israel for starving out the Gazan residents. Meanwhile, he US and Israel are berating Hamas for firing rockets into southern Israel and creating this whole mess to begin with by being a political party of terrorists. Got all that? Good.


What’s that? You don’t understand that last paragraph? Well who the hell in America would? People working in the freakin White House can’t seem to figure out this situation either, and they get paid to do that stuff! And it is much too complicated an issue to cover in a single blog, so let’s revisit some reports I filed last summer concerning the background of this godforsaken mess of a place that continues to be the center of conflict in the Middle East, and the greater world.

Are you ready for that? Alright then, well do a five-part series to lay the foundation of understanding Alright! We escaped to…..the freakin desert?so you will know why these Gaza people shot fireworks into southern Israel, why Israel continues to build a big ass wall around the entire place to isolate it off, why the other Palestinian territory named the West Bank is not really helping out the Gazans, why most member states of the UN want to help out…and why your government is working hard to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Day 1: Intro to the Insanity: Let’s talk Territory

Day 2: Who the hell is Hamas?

Day 3: What the freak is Fatah?

Day 4: World Opinion: Fatah Friends & Hamas Haters

Day 5: Back to the beginning, why the Current Calamity?

By the end of this 5-part Gaza Grind series, you should be able to identify all of the following entities: Palestine, Israel, Fatah, Hamas, the Gaza Strip, the West Bank, the UN Security Council, and my favorite type of martini. But you will have to be really good to figure out that last one…

Let’s get it fired up! Let’s talk territory tomorrow…but first, a tipple or two…

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