2009
Jan
1
Greetings global watchers, and sorry for my months-long hiatus. I was on a top-secret undercover mission reclaiming a Swedish sea-tanker full of supermodels from Somalia pirates whe
n the current Gaza bullshit hit the fan once again. By the time I uncovered myself from Miss January and swam out of a pool of Absolut heaven, the rockets red glare was already lighting my path to the bombs bursting in air…over the Gaza Strip. These guys sure know how to ring the new year in right….with a deafening ringing in my ears from all the strategic bombs dropping in on us from above! Good thing Santa didn’t have to deliver too may presents around this place, or he might have gotten blasted out of the freakin’ sky in all this crossfire.
And this strip is blowing up! Holy shit! What the hell is happening in this place? I had no intentions on revisiting this mess after our five-part blog-o-thon on Palestine, but current events have forced me back in, as have all of your viewer requests to explain this debacle of humanity here at the holiday season. So let’s just delve right into it, and let the Plaid Avenger explain as simply as I can why all parties involved in this shoot-out are a complete bunch of dumb-asses. It’s a mêlée of madness and a fracas of fools, in which there is no freakin’ way anyone will come out a winner. I will give you a few inside tips on all parties affected here, and the impacts go well beyond the two groups shooting missiles at each other. But let’s get directly to the dumbness, one dip at a time….
Israel’s Punishing Assault on Gaza Continues for Sixth Day
First off, what the hell happened? Well, in short, the same damn thing that has been happening for months: Both Israel and Hamas-led Gaza Strip have supposedly had a cease-fire that both sides have not really honored. Israel has bombed supply tunnels between Egypt and Gaza, and the Hamas militant wing has been lobbing homem
ade rockets into Israel. And when the useless cease-fire officially ended a week ago—surprise, surprise—both sides resumed bombing again. Oh, wait, they never really stopped. So this is all bullshit right from the get go. For 6 days now, Israel has led a full-on, full-blown strategic missile attack with its goal being the outright destruction of Hamas. Hamas has responded in kind by firing even more rockets into Israel. Happy fucking holidays everyone.
Child casualties mount in beseiged Gaza
Israeli foreign minister says Gaza assault will protect freedom
The rest of the horrific details you can glean from any news source: 4 Israeli casualties, 400 Gaza casualties including a senior Hamas official, in a completely one-sided ‘battle’ that is producing a civilian death toll and looming humanitarian disaster. As you have picked up on in previous blogs, Israel has had an economic stranglehold on the area for almost two whole years in an effort to bring Hamas to its knees and get the Palestinian people to kick them out of office…and that has just worked wonderfully well. NOT. In return, Hamas has lobbed rockets into Israel to protest this embargo in an effort to change the conditions and be taken seriously…and that has worked wonderfully well too. NOT. What a bunch of bone-heads.
Let’s look at each groups’ aims and intentions, and why they are complete dumb-asses for thinking they are somehow going to ‘win.’ Oh, and the dumb-assery extends well beyond they two main missile-launching players; there are many other dolts contributing to the chaos in their own distinct dumb-ass ways too…
But let’s start with why Hamas is a dumb-ass. Rather, I should say the militant wing of Hamas, the guys responsible for shooting the glorified fireworks into Israel. Because as you now know, Hamas has a social wing and a political wing as well, and its those political guys who won the Gaza election and are in charge of the government….whatever that means in a war zone. However, you should be aware that many of the political guys also support the militant guys, which makes all this even more problematic.
What is Hamas’ reason for shooting these rockets into Israel? For one: they got nothin
g better to do. Yeah, I know, sounds like I’m just ranting. But I mean it. Since Hamas won the election and took charge of Gaza, no outside entity will even recognize them as legitimate. No one will deal with them. No one will help them. Israel, the EU, the US and others immediately started a diplomatic and economic embargo to internally destroy the movement before the election results were even tallied, so I’m being dead serious when I say that these guys have nothing better to do. And you know what they say about idle hands….Lots of poor people with no jobs, no economy, no life, and lots of anger. Hmmm…I wonder how that recipe turns out?
Two: with no respect, no funding, and no economy, Hamas has been lobbing the rockets into Israel to be seen as a real and viable threat that must be taken seriously at the negotiation table. Kind of like the way North Korea is with nuclear weapons: it’s the idea that they could cause harm is why they have to be taken seriously, not that they actually want to or will cause that harm. Because kooky North Korea might have nukes, they have a wild card to play at the table in order to give themselves leverage. Hamas has been using the homemade rocket attacks in the same manner; as a tool for leverage in order to renegotiate the embargo against them, as well as the diplomatic diss they have received.
Dumb-asses! This tactic has not worked for two years! Why would it suddenly start working now? Of course, we all know and understand that Hamas is hopelessly outgunned, outnumbered, outflanked and worst of all are not a serious, credible threat to Israel. (I will argue the counter-point for this momentarily.) So in essence, they know they cannot win and are simply trying to survive intact; much like Hezbollah did last year in the face of a similar onslaught from Israel in Lebanon. Unfortunately for Hamas, the geographic and political difference between them and the Hezbollah situation are huge.
What do I mean? Gaza is tiny, isolated, and essentially surrounded. Israel has physically occupied it in the past, and could easily do so in the future (shit, it may happen next week!). Tanks and army dudes are massing at the borders as we speak. Worst of all, the only outlet that Gaza has to the outside world is their border with Egypt, and Egypt has pretty much sided with Israel and the US on this situation, so the border is sealed. More on that Egyptian escapade below.
Bottom line, the Hamas militant wing has anted up into a poker game in which it has no more chips. And they have not just anted up themselves, but the entire 1.5 million population of the Gaza. The leader of Hamas Ismael Haniyeh is now saying “victory is near” for them. Damn. What a bunch of dumb-asses. Ready to sacrifice women and children in an effort to simply have your political party stay alive a little bit longer so that you can claim a victory against Israel. Hell, he even may be right. Maybe their survival/destruction will incite a massive retaliation against Israel. Maybe. But is it really worth the price of death and destruction of your people? Many of the Hamas folks would say yes. I don’t dig it. That is a dumb-ass approach.
But hold the phone! Let’s jump to the next dumb-ass party involved here, and that of course is Israel. Israel’s whole stated objective for their past embargo/current attack on Gaza is security. They claim that they have to do all this to stop the lobbing of homemade rockets into their territory by the Hamas terrorists. The embargo was meant to starve Hamas out, and since it hasn’t worked fast enough, now is the time to bomb Hamas out. Well, I can understand that viewpoint perfectly. Who wants bombs being thrown into their territory in perpetuity?
However, if its security against attacks that Israel is seeking, I simply cannot think of a more dumb-ass way to try and get it. Damn, you guys don’t have to be rocket scientists here…oh, pun definitely intended! By the use of overwhelming force causing civilian casualties, Israel is fanning the flames of Palestinian/Arab/Iranian/Muslim extremist dissent. Actually, let me re-phrase that: they aren’t just fanning the flames, they are pouring 20 gallons of gasoline on the fire. Dudes! This is insane! Short of using a nuclear weapon on an Arab country, I cannot think of a better way for Israel to piss off all its enemies simultaneously than what it is doing right this second.
‘Let us help you fight Israel in Gaza’
How simultaneously? Well, beating up the Gazans of course pisses off a lot of Palestinians in general…even the ones over in the West Bank. The Palestini
ans are Arab, so its pissing off Arabs all over the Middle East…and that is a lot of folks. Particularly whack-ass crazy Sunni extremist groups who already hate Israel, like al-Queda et al. But Hamas is supported partially by the Iranians, who of course also support Hezbollah, so there is even now renewed ire from the Shia radical groups too. Damn! How dumb-ass are you to piss off tens of millions of people in an effort to stop a handful of people from lobbing rockets at you?
Hey man, I understand that countries got to protect their borders and all, but the potential price that might have to be paid in the long run for Israel to quiet this small group looks awfully heavy to me. This military strike against Hamas may be the catalyst for all sorts of terrorist groups to come out of the woodwork to start striking Israel. Hell, they may just up and shift operations out of Iraq and Afghanistan and refocus on Israel again full-time. The thought sends a shiver down my spine. Pretty dumb-ass move. But there are some more asses to get to….
Egypt is up to their armpits in this shit-storm too, and I think they may become the biggest loser of them all in this cesspool of a conflict. See, Egypt is a huge US ally, and they have already recognized the right for Israel to exist, and therefore they have to tow the US/Israel line on this whole freakin’ Hamas hoosegow. So while the Gazans have been getting starved out, Egypt has held the border officially firm….even though everyone knows there were supply tunnels running under the border between the two states, which is why Israel bombed them. However Egypt came out last week officially condemning Hamas, blaming them for the whole situation, and sealing up the border even more.
This has infuriated other Arab leaders and Arab peoples who see this as Egypt slamming shut the only escape door in the face of the Arab Gazans. And why would Egypt screw over their Arab brothers? Hmmmm…could $1.4 billion in foreign aid yearly from the US have anything to do with it? Nah…..couldn’t be. Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak himself said that his country would keep the border closed until Mahmoud Abbas (remember him? The Fatah leader of the West Bank) regains control of the Gaza Strip. This is in direct agreement with US and Israeli policy of starving Gaza out in order to get Hamas gone. And Arab people are pissed. There have been open demonstrations and riots outside of Egyptian embassies in Yemen, Oman, and Lebanon.
Egypt responds to Hezbollah criticism over Gaza
Why would I suggest that Egypt may suffer the worst consequences of this mess? Not so much Egypt herself, as the Mubarak administration have already been lambasted by other Arab states, but the big problem for Mubarak & Co. is that they are in the minority opinion in the country they lead. Hosni has long been seen as a US hack, and most Egyptians have grown exceedingly frustrated by Mubarak’s tight relationship with the US. The average Egyptian is not a fan of US foreign policy, or of Israeli foreign poli
cy, or of their own government’s foreign policy. The fact that Egypt is a sham democracy doesn’t help much either….Hosni is his third decade of ‘emergency rule’ over a supposed democracy. Anti-government sentiment is growing to dangerous levels, and Egypt shutting down the border while their Arab Gazan brothers get the shit blown out of them is not playing well at home. Pretty dumb-ass move. Watch for serious blowback in Egypt even after the dust settles from this latest round of violence in Gaza.
As Israel Pounds Gaza, Egyptians Get Angry At Their Own Government
Gaza attack strengthens Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood
But I shouldn’t pick just on the Arab Egyptian government for being dumb-asses….because there are many other dumb-ass Arab governments helping to compound this situation. While Egypt has openly made dumb-ass moves, most of the other Arab governments have done covertly dumb-ass ones. For just a few moments, please contemplate the absolute excesses of wealth that most Arab governments enjoy because of oil revenues…especially places like Kuwait and Saudi Arabia. These guys wipe their asses with $100 bills! And yet every time the collection plate is passed around to help the Palestinians, the coffers come up empty. On top of that, no Arab states offer to actually bring in some of them Palestinians as refugees. Oh hell naw! They aren’t letting those poor saps come into their countries!
Divisions Deep at Arab League Meeting
Arab lawmakers dicuss Gaza at Lebanon meeting
At the same time, these governments bash the Israeli attack and bash the US/EU support of Israel. Of course almost all of the Arab governments have openly decried the Gaza bombing as terrible and horrific…..but none of them have actually done a dam thing about it. They just can’t seem to bring themselves to help, because quite frankly its probably much better political tool for them for the issue to never be solved. But the peoples in these Arab countries are not fooled, and like Egypt, many are growing increasingly dissatisfied with their own governments’ policies. This gives rise to extremism, and grows local support for radical anti-government/terrorist groups. Its no wonder that all these Arab governments are increasingly scared of the rise of Iranian power, as Iran is the only government gaining in popularity in the region, since it appears to be the only state capable of ‘standing up’ to Israel/the US/the West. That has Arab leaders soiling their robes. And the US ain’t happy about that either…speaking of which….
Yes, the US has made some dumb-ass moves in this Gazan chess game as well, although I’m not one to suggest their role is hugely important right now. The US stands staunchly by its Israeli ally; that’s no dispute, and quite frankly no problem. That is what is expected. But the US is supposed to be the champion of democracy, and here is where they take the big dumb-ass hit. It was the US who suggested and promoted a democratic election in Gaza, and then when the votes were counted, promptly refused to recognize the democratically elected Hamas. Hey George and Condi, I completely understand why you hate Hamas, but not respecting the democratic process you promoted looks foolish. On top of that, the US is tight buddies with Hosni (a sham democracy) and tighter buddies with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia (as freakin’ far away as you can get from democracy.)
While the US has publicly called for an end to violence, it also has tacitly given Israel the go-ahead to do whatever it takes to get rid of Hamas. Sorry to have to bash GW in his last days in office, but what a dumb-ass move. Beating down these groups has consistently only made them stronger and more supported by the peoples of the region. Why can no one learn this lesson? I’m usually not the tree-hugging peace pipe smoking type myself, but this violence has not, is not, and will never be the solution to any of the concerns of this region.
So Hamas continues to fire rockets for dumb-ass reasons to make a political point, although no one is going to come to their rescue. Israel continues to annihilate Gaza in a dumb-ass attempt t
o restore ‘security’ although the likelihood of this increasing terrorist attacks is almost certain. Egypt continues dumb-assedly tow the US/Israel line on Hamas, although this may cause their own population to totally boil over. Arab countries are dumb-asses in their lack of any real solutions or even tangible assistance to the Palestinians. And the US has got to figure out a better strategy than facilitating violence. When it comes to democracy, if your gonna talk the talk, then you better walk the walk.
Sorry for the depressing entry into the new year, but you people asked for it. These dumb-asses have a long dreary death-filled year ahead of them. Let’s hope someone wises up before its too late.
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