The World's Plaidiest News Source

Gaza Go for Egyptian Escape!

• Middle East

Alright, alright, alright already!  Greetings global watchers.  Plaid Avenger here, helping to kick off another semester of non-stop interpretation and interpolation of events that cause all sorts of global consternation.  I’m sobering up and getting back in the saddle to be your World Regions super-correspondent from all points abroad…as opposed to being on all points on a broad!  Wow! I’m back in fine form already! That should surely offend some of you folks…

But you know what offends people even more than my scurrilous and scandalous shenanigans? Well, the forced starvation of 1.5 million people of course! I’ve heard that you all are inquiring about some action going down on the Egyptian/Gaza border, and you need some help figuring it all out.  It’s a big freakin’ mess to be sure, but check out just a smattering of today’s events to get a taste of the shit d’jour:

Egypt Tries to Close Gaza Border, But Fails

Hamas accepts Egypt invitation to meet Fatah

Humanitarian crisis? In Gaza?

Israel cuts off Gaza’s electricity

Security Council fails yet again to agree Gaza statement

What the living hell is going on in this place? I’m glad you asked. As of right this second, the Hamas-controlled Gaza Strip is being ignored by the Fatah-controlled West Bank, and it is also being trade embargoed by Jewish-controlled Israel….meaning there is a big ass wall around the entire place, and all exits have been sealed off.  No one goes in, no one comes out. But the folks in Gaza kind of got tired of starving to death so they blew a big ass hole in the wall on the Egyptian side, and shit tons of people have been flooding into Egypt in order to buy supplies…or to simply escape. Most of the world, as well as the entire UN Security Council (minus the US), are berating Israel for starving out the Gazan residents. Meanwhile, he US and Israel are berating Egypt for letting the starving people escape. Got all that? Good.

WTF???

What’s that? You don’t understand that last paragraph? Well who the hell in America would? People working in the freakin White House can’t seem to figure out this situation either, and they get paid to do that stuff!  And it is much too complicated an issue to cover in a single blog, so let’s revisit some reports I filed last summer concerning the background of this godforsaken mess of a place that continues to be the center of conflict in the Middle East, and the greater world. 

Are you ready for that? Alright then, well do a five-part series to lay the foundation of understanding so you will know why these people blew a fucking hole in a wall to escape to Egypt…and why your government is working hard to fill that hole back up.

Day 1: Intro to the Insanity: Let’s talk Territory

Day 2: Who the hell is Hamas?

Day 3: What the freak is Fatah?

Day 4: World Opinion: Fatah Friends & Hamas Haters

Day 5: Back to the beginning, why the Egyptian Escape?

By the end of this 5-part Egyptian Escape series, you should be able to identify all of the following entities: Palestine, Israel, Fatah, Hamas, the Gaza Strip, the West Bank, the UN Security Council, and my favorite type of martini. But you will have to be really good to figure out that last one…

Let’s get it fired up! Let’s talk territory tomorrow…but first, a tipple or two…

——-

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Bhutto Buried; Pakistan Itself Not Far Behind…

• World
• South Asia & Central Asia

Greetings from an extended seasonal hiatus my plaid friends! My apologies for the extended absence, but I had to head north for the holidays….far north to be exacter.  I was at the North Pole investigating competing claims to the Arctic territory, but wound up fishing a totally soused Yukon Cornelius out of a drunken Eskimo orgy in Inuit territory.  That Yukon! I’ve been carrying his weak ass back to Santa’s palace for years.

And sorry to have to check back in for such a dismal news assessment, but as all of you are aware, Benazir Bhutto was assassinated last week and now Pakistan is in flames…figuratively and literally.  This country is totally screwed with a capital SCHLONG.  I won’t do a whole in-depth blog on it right this second since many of the details are still sketchy and the country is in for a shit ton of turmoil in the coming weeks in which anything can happen.  Seriously friends, this is the type of situation in which full on revolution and chaos are ripe.  So let me just make a few comments addressing the questions many of you have sent me:

Big question numero uno: Did Musharraf have anything to do with the Bhutto assassination? Almost assuredly not.  In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say hell freakin no.  Why am I so sure?  Because Musharraf has been leading a country that has been on the brink of total chaos and collapse.  Now he is leading a country that IS in chaos with a real tangible threat of collapse.  He already had the shittiest job ever, and it just got worse.  Bhutto’s death may very well be the death of his presidency, and he knows it.  Mush did not order or condone the killing of Bhutto.

Having said that, he is still partially to blame. How? Because there is also no doubt in the Plaid Avenger’s mind that Mush was playing political hardball with Bhutto.  See, Bhutto has been gaining even more popularity since her return, and everyone knew she was going to have a big win in the upcoming elections.  Now, Mush knew he couldn’t stop that from happening, but he didn’t want to help her become even more powerful either.  So the Mush government consistently refused to beef up security around Bhutto, even though she routinely requested it…and even though everybody knew the danger level was high.

Security lapse and Bhutto’s personal touch made her vulnerable to attack

So Mush did not order her assassination. Mush did not even know about the plans of her assassination.  Mush is not even exactly sure who assassinated her.  But Mush does hold some culpability for allowing the assassination to occur.

Big question numero dos: So who did kill her?  That is actually an easy one.  It’s the same folks who tried to kill her a few months ago…who happen to be the same folks who have tried to kill Musharraf several times too.  Its them damn terrorist Muslim extremist types that are all over Pakistan and Afghanistan!  Why did they want her (and Mush) dead?  Because Bhutto and Mush are both staunch secularist when it comes to Pakistani government.  That means they want to keep a strict separation between religion and politics.  And both Bhutto and Mush support the US/World ‘War on Terrorism’, in which the fight is hottest right there on Paki soil. 

Those extremist types (like al-Qaeda and the Taliban) are fighting for establishment of a theocratic Muslim state, or they are fighting for an independent state within Pakistan (i.e. Waziristan), or they are just fighting like hell against the Paki government because they don’t like the fact that Mush/Pakistan is so cozy with the US when it comes to foreign policy. Remember, Pakistan receives a shit-ton of foreign aid from the US, primarily to keep up the ‘war on terrorism.’  As you can imagine, the terrorist don’t like that idea too much, so total destabilization of Pakistan by any means is one of their ongoing goals.

Not to confuse you too much, but you should also note that a whole lot of these ‘terrorists’ are actually not Taliban or al-Qaeda operatives…but are increasingly ethnic Waziri, Baloch, or Pashtun folks who are being whipped into a fury with the promise of independence from Pakistan.  Whipped up by who? Why by al-Qaeda and the Taliban forces of course.  Yeah…what a great idea that is to take advice from al-Qaeda on how to become an independent state. Good luck with that one, guys.  Why don’t you just paint a big ass bull-eye across your territory so the bombers know where to drop their payload?

So while I cringe from ever agreeing with the overly-simplistic Cheney administration’s take on international affairs, they happen to be right on this one.  The Bhutto assassination was without a doubt carried out by fringe Islamic extremists within Pakistan. Bhutto’s people are already disputing this fact, but they are politically motivated to do so.  They hate Mush so much now (like they didn’t before?) that they are adamant that his government be connected to the assassination.  They want his ass out in the worst way, so they will continue to implicate Mush and the entire government in Bhutto’s death.  Again, its just a political ploy….but it may well work.

Bhutto killing blamed on al-Qaeda

Anger, mistrust at Bhutto death among Pakistan’s bloggers

Big question numero tres: So what now for Pakistan?  Well, that is the big question isn’t it?  And I hate to get into the speculation game like so many other freakin’ worthless pundits on Capitol Hill and on radio/TV talk shows.  It really is too close to the events and too soon to tell what is going to play out in Pakistan.  But I will offer this: it’s going to get messy.  A lot messier than it even is now. 

There really are no strong, popular figures in Pakistan right this second that can pull things together.  Which means things are going to continue to get pulled further apart.  And while the mainstream news media has not been reporting on it too much (they have been kept so busy all year telling you about the status of Brittany Spears’ vagina), things have been getting much worse in Afghanistan and the Afghan/Paki border. Al-Qaeda and the Taliban have made fairly decent gains in terms of outright controlling more territory and making a bigger political impact across the entire region.  The Taliban has been moving stridently right up to the Afghan capital city….and NATO and the rest of the boys are losing ground in this battle. 

And as referenced above, al-Qaeda has also done a stellar job recruiting the locals to fight the Paki government, mostly via bullshit promises that somehow this will result in a stable independent state for Waziristan and others. So Afghanistan is becoming more turbulent, and the western side of Pakistan is becoming a wide-open hotbed of military activity too.  Hell, its bordering on an open war zone!  A couple of months ago, a small village/territory in Waziristan started flying an official Taliban flag and declared its independence from Pakistan.  Talk about a shit storm coming! 

Al-Qaeda aims at Pakistan’s heart

Long story short, shit has been hitting the fan, shit is hitting the fan, and a monster terd may be coming to smash the entire house where the fan is running.  Elections which are due to be held this month will likely amount to nothing…since there is no singular popular strong figure for everyone to rally around.  Mush will hold on for a bit longer, but the longer he hangs out, the more ripe Pakistan becomes for yet another military coup or a widespread anti-Mush riot which will probably end with the military declaring martial law again. Or worse.  A bunch of people may get killed in such a political crackdown, and that will certainly spell the end of Mush’s presidency.

In other words, no good solution in sight.  Possibilities include: a military coup ousting Mush; Mush may be assassinated too…but if he goes down it will be by insiders, not by terrorists; Mush may get sick of all the shit and step down voluntarily and call for snap elections; elections will proceed as scheduled, but accomplish little in terms of real change; a massive surge of terrorist/independence movement violence in the western regions which will over-tax the military and possibly crash the whole country; Waziristan declaring inpendence with a pro-Taliban government; and/or Dick Cheney declaring war on Asia.

Oh, and of course the reality may be that several of these options occur simultaneously.  Ew.  That will be a real pot of shit simmering on the world stove.  Stir occasionally, and it will serve one to two billion. I suggest a crisp New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc with that dish!

Party on Pakistani-style. Which is to say: party like it’s your last day on earth.

-PA

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Russia Turns East; the Bear and the Dragon Embrace!

• Middle East
• World
• East Asia-Pacific
• European Eurasia

Greetings friends! And damn did I get seriously sidetracked on the way to Siberia! Sorry for the extended blog departure, but I had an unexpected mission come up which involved 16 vestal virgins, 10 cases of Jägermeister, a cache of AK-47’s, a warm pretzel eating contest, and Angela Merkel.  I know: it sounds complicated, and I cannot divest any of the details at the present time…mostly because I can’t remember many of them. But I’m back in fine form once again, and I woke up woozy in Uzbekistan just in time to tap into a tipple here in Tashkent….and catch the end of the SCO meeting. A meeting which continued to reaffirm my belief that Russia and China are becoming the best-est of buddies, much to the chagrin of ‘the West.’  Dig it:

Russian lovefest to the East…

Russian, Chinese PMs meet Central Asian allies

Premiers of SCO vow to enhance cooperation

Chinese premier: China-Russia relations at most important stage

Russian deputy PM hails Russian-Chinese theme years

Russian dissing to the West…

U.S. pushes to get Russia on its side

US disappointed in China, Russia response on Iran sanctions

Russia-EU Summit: A Nice Gathering with Few Results

Have a glass of vodka with your Moo Goo Gai Pan.  Or a caviar filled egg-roll. ‘Cause that is the international cuisine paring of the future man!  So what’s this all about?  Well, in a nutshell, Russia and China are grooving to a mutual lovefest which is resulting in an undeclared new axis of power in the world….one that has serious repercussions for ‘Team West.’  All I know is, someone is going to lose their virginity on this one….and it is likely to be the US that gets screwed.  Now before any of you start digging the hole for the underground bunker in your backyard in preparations for World War 3….just relax and hold on a minute.  I’m not talking about open armed conflict, or even a return to a Cold War scenario.  It’s much more subtle and simple than that.  It’s more like this:

Russia and China‘s new and strengthening alignment will be a source of friction and frustration for most US foreign policy in the coming decade.  And beyond.  One needs only look as far as the current story above which references Russia and China‘s open willingness to block any US proposals on sanctions of Iran at the UN Permanent Security Council.  But I am perhaps getting ahead of myself as usual…how did we get to this point?

Way back in 1991 when the USSR officially collapsed and ceased to exist, Russia was a complete basketcase of a country politically, economically, socially, and psychologically. They were losers with a capital LOSE. Communism had failed, they had lost the Cold War of ideology, they were bankrupt, and completely lost in the sauce on how to go forward.  Throughout the 1990’s, Russia was the scene of a veritable ‘wild west’ of capitalism and democratic transition—meaning that there were no rules, largely unregulated privatization, and no boundaries for how the country underwent this massive transition from commie to capitalist/democratic. 

The US and ‘Team West’ did try to help out as best as they could….while still maintaining their strategic edge (meaning they helped out as long as the relationship still tilted in their direction.) Team West encouraged privatization and opening markets as the ‘tough love’ route that had to be taken for Russia to go forward.  While democracy did get advanced in this era, the market capitalism transition left most in the gutter with a bad taste in their mouth—a situation usually reserved for cheap vodka consumption on Friday nights.  By 2000, the place was still awash in corruption, organized crime, endemic poverty, and a sense of national hopelessness that relegated the state to the history books.

By my how times change. Enter two factors into this Russian equation: Putin and petroleum.  Vlad ‘the Man’ took over in 2000, roughly the exact same that oil prices began to rise…and they have been steadily rising ever since! Putin’s strong-arm tactics to clamp down on crime and chaos in the markets, coupled with his strong sense of nationalism, have given the Russian’s a source of pride that they haven’t known since the Sputnik satellite launch. And since Russia controls shit-tons of oil and natural gas, they have been getting exceptionally rich in the last seven years too.  Sum up these factors and you get this: Russia is back, bee-yatch!

Massive sales of oil and natural gas have allowed the Ruskies to pay off their national debt.  Like all of it. They don’t owe anybody a damn dime.  Putin has also been very savvy about socking away a lot of that oil wealth for a rainy day. And he has been storing it legally in banks for future use of the state, as opposed to storing it in his private bank account, which of course is the type of corruption that happens all the time in lesser developed places with less of a sense of national pride.  I’m telling you, this national pride shit has a lot to do with the current Russian success story…and Putin’s whack-crazy approval ratings too, which hover in the 80 to 90%  range. Damn! G.W. would give his left nut for an 80% approval rating! But I digress…

Back to the stories above: The US and Team West have been assuming since 1991 that Russia would eventually join their team. I mean, their teams have so much in common already in terms of culture, religion, international business, technology and history.  And Team West has been actively courting the Russians to side up with the West in terms of the war on terrorism, UN security council resolutions, perhaps even EU membership…and I even remember a time when NATO membership for Russia was a serious talking point. 

But a funny thing happened on Russia‘s way to joining Team West: they got their Russian groove back.  They got an economy back. They got a nationalistic pride back. And most importantly, they have their sense of being a world power back.  Oops. Looks like Russia is forming their own team again, as opposed to joining Team West.  And that is exactly what I’m writing about today. Russia has turned east to embrace China. And embrace its former Central Asian possession of the –stan countries, and yes, even embrace Iran. The East is (at least for the time being) Russia‘s focus for the future.

As the US and Western Europe continue to attempt to sweet talk the Russians, they are doing so with increasingly less and less bait to attract their former Cold War adversaries. And Russia is increasingly holding all the aces in this poker match. And Russia knows it.  Thus, they are playing their hands on foreign policy from a position of power.  The Ruskies are now in a position to play off all the other powers at their own whim, seeking out the most advantageous situations for themselves, with extremely limited repercussions from the US, Team West, or really anybody else. Meaning, they simply cannot lose anymore. What do I mean they can’t lose?

Well, let’s summarize on just a few of the points mentioned in the stories above:

Economically, if we go no further than to consider the role of oil and natural gas, then Russia is in the catbird’s seat for at least another decade…or ten. Russia supplies at least 1/3 of Europe‘s energy needs. That’s Western and Eastern Europe. And it’s not just about the money being made either: tremendous political power has now been bestowed on Russia since those European powers get so much of their energy from the Bear. Translation: if you piss off Russia, you may get your heating oil turned off…in January. Think I’m making this shit up? Ask Belarus and Poland how fictional that story is. Then ask them how cold it gets in January.

But wait! Its not just Europe.  China is energy hungry too, and the Russians are now establishing all kinds of relationships to transport more oil and natural gas then ever to their new Chinese friends. As China continues to explode economically, Russia will continue to get rich exponentially since they will be supplying the energy for this growth. Whoops! I almost forgot Japan! Japan wants as much Russian oil as it can get too, so there will never be any shortage of demand for Ruskies petroleum products in the East. Which means of course that Russia can play both sides of the continent against each other to jack up demand…and prices!

For now, the Chinese are winning this petroleum pissing match, as the Russians continue to forge new ties, build new pipelines, and sign new contracts with their eastern friends…but openly dissed the meeting with EU countries last week as ‘a waste of time.’

Strategically, Russia has also been busy strengthening its hand in the SCO. Big time. Don’t know your SCO? Better dig this then: You Gotsta’ Know the SCO!!! Within the SCO framework, China and Russia have basically been conducting an orgy of trade agreements, energy security agreements, economic and infrastructure projects and even military exercise co-ordination.  They haven’t been doing any of that shit with Team West! And here’s why: as a member of the SCO, Russia is a leader. As a member of the EU or NATO, Russia is a follower. Got it? The Russians do, and they dig it.

Finally, politically the Russians and Chinese are in bed together like never before…mostly in the sense that they are now openly countering US foreign policies on the world stage.  Putin’s position of power affords him the ability to completely piss off the West…‘cause he can always just chill with the Chinese chaps.  This has come into play in current events in several ways:

1)    Putin has been openly critical of the US plan to put a ‘missile shield’ in Eastern Europe. So critical in fact, that he is saying that this shield will cause another Cold War, and the Russians have pulled out of treaties which have limited the production of certain types of missiles. Putin has also overseen the resumption of old Cold War bomber patrols across Russian territory, as well as the creation and testing of a ‘super-bomb.’ He is causing such a ruckus over the planned missile defense systems, that he now almost literally has the US kissing his ass and begging him to allow the plan to go through.  It is interesting to note that the two sites which will house this defense system are Poland and the Czech Republic: two countries which are heavily reliant on Russian fuel to get thru the long winter.  Starting to get the picture here of how this shit is working?

2)    Iran. Iran‘s continued foray into developing a nuclear industry (and perhaps a nuclear bomb) has pitted the Russian-Chinese axis against Team West.  Putin has cozied up to Iran if for no other reason than to check-and checkmate with the US on foreign policy issues. Nobody really thinks that Putin has a lovefest with Iran, but he is in a position to counter any moves towards US sanctions or even an US invasion of Iran should it come down to that. Again, start to put the pieces of the puzzle together: if the US continues to make moves towards the missile defense shield…then Russia will strengthen its support for an Iranian nuke industry.  If the US/Team West pisses off Russia about anything, then Russia will use its veto power on the UN Permanent Security Council to stop any international action dead in its tracks.  Both Russia and China are now dropping hints that they are prepared to do just that.

3)    The SCO is continuing to grow in functionality and membership.  It is starting to look a lot like a combo NATO/EU of the east…with Russia as a real leader.  And watch out for this big bombshell to be dropped in the near future: Russia is going to lead the formation of a natural gas cartel of Asia, with themselves in the center. Quote from SCO meeting on Friday: “Russia has also proposed the establishment of an “energy club” to complement the SCO regional security bloc, said Ivan Materov, Russian deputy minister of industry and energy.”  The Plaid Avenger sez: Watch out OPEC, here comes ‘SCO’-PEC!  Man! That will be some serious shit hitting the fan!

But enough speculation and assessment for now. Just know this: Russia is turning east to be a leader, and away from the west where it would be conscripted to be a follower.  It’s not really surprising I suppose. I think its more the speed at which Russia has gone from being a zero to be a hero…or at least to being a major force in the world again. But all this talk of Russia has built my thirst and whetted my appetite.  I think its time for a few dozen Oysters shooters, Moscow-style.  What? Never had it? Dig:

Moscow Oyster Shooters, Plaid Avenger recipe:

• 3 dozen Pacific Oysters on the half-shell
• Add a small dollop of horseradish sauce in     middle of oyster
• A teaspoon of Beluga caviar on top of dollop
• Pour over one shot of Stolichnaya Red Russian     vodka
• Squeeze lemon wedge over entire batch
• Go to work

Oh hell yeah!

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When in Doubt, Stamp the Commies Out!

• World
• The Americas

Hello World Watchers! Plaid Avenger here, hanging out in Havana. That’s right, I’m in Cuba and I’ve been drinking mojitos since sunrise. Why am I in Cuba? Apparently the Bush administration is so bored and has absolutely nothing else going on in the foreign policy department that it decided to take some timely action on tackling one of the biggest threats to US security and certainly one of the biggest threats to world peace and stability: Cuba.  Cuba? WTF? An impoverished island nation led by a dying 80 year old man is a threat?  Yeah, maybe a threat to the availability of Depends undergarments in the Caribbean basin…but little else.  So why so much attention from the world’s ‘superpower’?  Check it out:
Bush Urges Support for Democratic Change in Cuba
Bush to Warn Cuba on Plan for Transition
Cuba Defiant in Face of Bush Speech
Castro, Succession, and the Future of Cuba

So Dubya decided to take the afternoon to discuss Cuba‘s current government and how much it sucks. Why not? It’s not like he has any other foreign policy challenges to focus on right now.  Its not like US troops are actively in open warfare in several foreign countries. I could understand that the administration would be too busy to deal with the Cuban titan if they were engaged in some global operations like…oh…I don’t know…maybe a war on terror…or maybe even a war on drugs.  And I certainly would understand the administrations hesitancy to tackle the pressing Cuban issue if they were vamping up for a war on Iran…or even a disintegrating relationship with Vladimir Putin’s Russia.  But, since nothing else is going on…its about time they zeroed in on that Castro freak!

So what’s the deal? Why does the US care about Cuba? What the hell could a nation of 11 million impoverished people do to get Bush’s proverbial panties in such a bunch?

For starters, Cuba is a communist country and we all know how much the US hates the commies! But the hate goes oh so much deeper than that, folks. Yes, because unlike the other lefty countries in South America,  Cuba participated in a plan so heinous, that all diplomatic ties were severed…indefinitely.  The US won’t send ambassadors to Cuba. The US won’t trade with Cuba. They won’t sell anything to Cuba. They won’t buy anything from Cuba. Shit, they won’t even allow Americans to travel to Cuba!

They hate Cuba! Hate, Hate, Hatey -hate-hates Cuba. Ever since the USSR bit the dust, Cuba is the only country that can give US politicians a freedom-boner the size of the Berlin Wall. We must liberate the Cubans from Castro’s iron fist! Yeeeeehaw!

Anyway, so what the hell did Cuba do that was so horrible? Why have we befriended other former commie states of the USSR, but continue to rail against the country that has blessed the world with Bacardi? Just this: The unforgivable crime was that Cuba allowed the Soviet Union to place nuclear missiles in their country, which, if you notice on the map, is really fucking close to Florida. Having Russian nukes pointed at us from Siberia is one thing, but to having Nukes pointed at us in our own back yard… that was pretty much an invitation to start World War III.

We look fearfully back at this event as the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis. Thankfully this whole ordeal was resolved peacefully. It turns out that the Russians only put missiles in Cuba because the United States had put nuclear missiles in Turkey. Both sides agreed to remove the missiles… crisis averted! But, seriously, fuck Cuba for taking part in that bullshit, right?! I mean come on! So what if it was 45 years ago! So what if the Cold War is over! So what if there are no commies left in the entire world except on this little island nation! The commies are a threat! I am scared! Shit! I think I just soiled my plaid boxers thinking about Castro attacking Florida with flaming rum-and-cokes!

To be sure…Castro is a freak of nature.  The old fart is like a hundred and ninety-five years old, and is still a die hard commie-wanna-be.  I suggest ‘wanna-be’, because communism really has never worked out anywhere in the world, and the Cuban experience is no exception. Its not so much a communist country, as just a really shit-poor and backwards, wanna-be communist country.  And to be frank, the only one who really ‘wanna-its’ to be commie is Castro himself.  He still is living like it’s the 1960’s and that communism is some real institution in the world with a chance of success.  Dream on old-timer.  Even Russia and China are living the capitalist Wild West right now! Its over dude! Wake up and smell the mojito man!

What a goober…but he’s not the only one! When it comes to Cuba, the US government is still living in the 1960’s too. Its like some freakin’ Cuban time warp with everybody on either side of the Florida Strait.  Its the new Bermuda Triangle of sensible foreign policy! But I digress…

So what happened after the Cuban Missile Crisis? One important thing is that the US imposed an “embargo” against the Cuba government. An embargo is basically a declaration not to trade with a country. For instance, you can have an arms embargo that prevents the sale of weapons to a country. However, the Cuban embargo is full-on. US laws criminalize all kinds of interactions with Cuba. There is no allowed trade between Americans and Cubans. Americans are not allowed to travel to Cuba (The Avenger is here on an “Academic Exception”). And the worst is the cigars! No trade in Cuban cigars…some of the best smokes on the planet!  The embargo was, and still is, intended as a way of crippling the communist government of Castro and fomenting a popular democratic revolution. Make’em so poor that they will revolt! Guaranteed success!

Well, it hasn’t worked for 45 years, and the US is still drinking the embargo’s bathwater. Clinton expanded it in ‘99 and Bush was praising it in his latest speech: “I also urge our Congress to show our support and solidarity for fundamental change in Cuba by maintaining our embargo on the dictatorship until it changes.”

Many people object to the embargo saying it only hurts the Cuban people. Cuba is a fairly poor country that could benefit from trade with the United   States. The theory behind free trade is that it will help raise everyone out of poverty. Most level-headed folks also believe that increasing trade is a much better way to also increase cultural interactions…and by helping Cuban folks get rich and educated, you would be actually strengthening their resolution to change their government too.  But, this argument holds little weight in Washington as the embargo enjoys widespread bipartisan support.  Oh, andwhat is I’m sure a total coincidence, lots of supporting congressmen also receive serious campaign contributions from angry Cuban expats—expats who got their shit taken from them by Castro & Co. during the Cuban Revolution, and who seriously think that they will get all their shit back when Castro goes away.  Good luck with that.

Another thing that evolved from the Cuban missile crisis is the Red Phone that sits on the President’s desk in the Oval Office. After the fiasco, US and Russian leaders decided to install a protected line from Moscow to Washington DC in case something like this ever happened again. So, if another crisis evolved, either World leader had the other on speed dial. This was a pretty dandy little compromise for the time.

And the US should probably keep a close eye on that Red Phone….as comments from Vladimir Putin in today’s news indicate that he may be using that phone soon.  In point of fact, he even referenced the 1962 Missile Crisis just today! Dig:

US missile plans echo Cuban crisis, says Putin

Hmmmm…..more missile madness than you can shake a stick at.  We better investigate this missile shield shit and way its pissing off Russia. Ha! Tomorrow’s blog is set then! I shall set off for the shores of Siberia again, post haste!

But I have to end this rant for now, because my Red Phone is ringing. And no, it’s not Vlad the Man... The only callers on my Red Phone are foxy plaidettes and right now I think I have a date with a Socialist Senorita. Until next time, Plaid Brothers and Sisters, party on. 

Or as they say here in the islands…Buenos Tacos.

Comments

INTERPOL: Justice, Global-Style!!!

• World
• International Organizations
• South Asia & Central Asia
• The Americas

Huzzah for the good guys! Huzzah huzzah huzzah!…and help me find my way back to the hotel bar…I’ve been celebrating the recent snatch of a scumbag here in southeast Asia, Thailand to be exact, and I’m afraid I’ve gotten too caught up in the party to be able to navigate the back streets of Bangkok.  I’ve got the Murray Head song “One Night in Bangkok” set for permanent repeat on my Ipod, and I’ve been rockin’ it out with my INTERPOL peeps for days.  And damn! These INTERPOL guys know how to serve up the drinks after they serve up the justice! What’s that? Never heard of INTERPOL? The INTERnational Criminal POLice Organization? Well let’s pull out the cuffs and get our game on then:

Interpol launches public manhunt for pedophile

Interpol issues notice seeking arrest of Canadian suspected pedophile

Interpol swoops in Thailand

Interpol detains 166 cross-border crime suspects in Tanzania

International Co-operation Leads to Arrest of Rwandan Genocide Suspect

INTERPOL Official Site

Talk about global justice served! Man, I always get fired up when I see the good guys fighting for the global good getting their man…or in this case a total scumbag of a man.  Interpol’s most recent incursion into current events came last week when they helped bag some Canadian child molesting shit-eater. Interpol specialists unscrambled an internet-posted image of this dude in the act.  They then identified him, and sent out a worldwide information alert which helped track his sick ass down in less than a week, and he was subsequently arrested in Thailand. 

Oh, and I suppose I should respect the rights of judicial due process, and declare that this guy is innocent until proven guilty. NOT! I’m a vigilante at heart, but all that aside, the freak posted pictures of himself in the act! Hell no to due process! This twisted shit is guilty! The mere fact that a Canadian was caught outside of his country should be setting off alarm bells.  But a single white male Canadian caught in Thailand with photos of himself on the web molesting boys?….um….yeah….that’s what we call an open and shut case…And I hope they open and shut the iron door right on his skull a few hundred times after the trial, if you get my drift.

A little Plaid Avenger tip to you world travelers: don’t get arrested in SouthEast Asia.  Bad news my friends, bad news.  You ain’t coming out of one of those lock-ups the same man…if you come out at all!  But I digress as usual…I don’t want to talk about this bad man, or those bad prisons.  I’m much more interested in the good guys that got him. Who the hell is INTERPOL?

In a nutshell: INTERPOL is an organization facilitating international police cooperation. And I do mean international!  It is the world’s largest international police organization, with 186 member countries…making it the fifth biggest organization on the planet by membership.  INTERPOL helps facilitate co-operation on affairs of justice even when diplomatic relations do not exist between particular countries.  So even though countries like the US and Iran hate each other and have absolutely no diplomatic ties, both of those states participate in INTERPOL and therefore exchange information at least in the capacity of serving global justice. Everybody does INTERPOL man!

And what exactly does INTERPOL do? They support and assist all organizations, authorities and services whose mission is to prevent or combat international crime. The BIG thing they do is all about the information.  Pooling intelligence, as it were. INTERPOL has the single biggest crime database on the planet…created by verifying, posting, sharing, and cross-referencing all the crime data from all its participating countries…which as I have pointed out, is pretty much the whole damn world!  From their website: “One of INTERPOL’s most important functions is to help police in member countries share critical crime-related information using the organization’s system of international notices.”

But not all crime! Just the crimes and criminals that have an international dimension.  In order to maintain as politically neutral a role as possible, Interpol’s constitution forbids its involvement in crimes that do not overlap several member countries.  In other words, INTERPOL would never interfere in any judicial proceedings on a crime which occurred just in a single state—that is left to the locals to deal with.  However, when any individual or criminal organization deals across two or more countries, then INTERPOL tracks and posts the data…and sometimes even gets more pro-active by physically going after the bad guys!

So data sharing is their main deal.  They track and post lists of wanted fugitives who have fled across international borders. They post lists of stolen passport identities that all countries can access.  They advertise photos and known aliases of criminals.  All this data—and much more—is available across the entire planet to all police and government agencies who fight crime.  Pretty fucking cool man.  Unless you are a criminal of course. 

And the criminals they focus on?  Its work focuses primarily on public safety, terrorism, organized crime, war crimes, illicit drug production, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, trafficking in human beings, money laundering, child pornography, white-collar crime, computer crime, Intellectual Property crime and corruption.  All bad shit to be sure.  And all shit that has global dimensions on our world….which is why its so freakin’ awesome to see a truly positive form of globalization for a change!

Which is the real reason for today’s rant.  When are all these politicians and ardent nationalists going to wake the hell up to how the world is working right now?  We have a global economy, we have global trade, we have global movement of capital, global movement of people, global corporations, and even global warming.  As such, we also now have global crime syndicates, global drug trafficking, global human trafficking, global arms trade…HOWEVER we don’t have any real global law, no global judicial system, and no real way to effectively stop global crime.  Why not?

Because most of the countries on the planet refuse to cooperate in a single global law system due to conflicting cultural beliefs, personal vendettas against other countries, and mostly due to fear of loss of a smidgen of sovereignty.  Oh shit! There is that sovereignty word again! It is always causing trouble! In particular, the most powerful states in the world—like the US, China, Russia—have no interest in even pretending to participate in a singular global law system, for fear of losing even a modicum of their all-powerful self-rule. 

We live in a globalized world people! Crime does not stop at state borders anymore! When nothing else on this planet is confined to state boundaries, why do we still insist that justice be so confined? And frankly, a lot of states are just being dumb not to support more global justice mechanisms.

Want an example? Drugs! No, I don’t mean take them, I mean think about them.  Drugs are a global commodity, produced and traded and moved all around the planet by criminal organizations from at least a few dozen different countries. Why would a single state want to take on the burden of fighting a ‘war on drugs’ all by themselves? Its not even possible man! A truly global problem like drug trafficking simply demands a global solution…and a global justice system to try the folks you bust, and a global police to go and bust them.

Well, for now we at least have INTERPOL, which is a start.  But I must be honest with you here…it’s not really that much.  I think INTERPOL kicks total ass, but the reason that they mostly just deal with information availability is that they don’t have much of a budget or much of a staff to do much else.  (Last year they received $59 million in contributions from member states; in contrast EUROPOL received $90, and Bill Gates used $120 million in 100-dollar bills just to wipe his ass.) So they don’t have a lot of coin, or a lot of international authority, to do too much.

What does INTERPOL not do? INTERPOL action is taken within the limits of existing laws in different countries and in the spirit of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. INTERPOL’s constitution prohibits ‘any intervention or activities of a political, military, religious or racial character.’  And while it makes for great fiction, INTERPOL generally does not have a bunch of detectives out searching for clues at the crime scene, and rarely sends agents to go apprehend a criminal.  It works with the national and local police to get those things done.

It is still a cool concept to think about though, and you have probably seen reference to INTERPOL in a film or two as well.  Ethan Hawke played an INTERPOL agent tracking down the Nicolas Cage character in Lords of War ;a movie about the illegal global arms trade.  Inspector Gadget is supposed to be an INTERPOL agent. In the movie Mission: Impossible III, Ethan Hunt is told he is on INTERPOL’s Most Wanted list. My personal favorite—mostly because she is a hottie—is Agent Isabel Lahiri played by Catherine Zeta-Jones in Oceans Twelve. 

Actually, Agent Lahiri was a EUROPOL agent—EUROPOL is exactly like INTERPOL except it is a collaboration just of EU countries under a common crime-fighting umbrella.  However, Agent Lahiri is forced near the end of the film to turn over the Oceans Twelve suspects to a group of folks posing as…can you guess?…INTERPOL agents of course! Dude! That movie totally kicks ass! That was easily the best acting job I’ve ever seen Bruce Willis do…oh, wait a minute, he was playing himself.  Hmmm, I guess that explains it.  But I digress as usual…

So now you know INTERPOL and what it does. You also know its limitations, and limited use in today’s world…a situation which all fighters for global justice must help remedy! As Batman and Robin would say: “Support your local police”….as The Plaid Avenger insists: “Support your global justice system”, and for now, that justice is INTERPOL.

Crime is no longer just local, and so justice should not be either.  Rock on, fighters for truth and freedom on the planetary platform!

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