Bombs, Bombers, and Bad-Asses: the Bear is Back!
Salutations from Siberia my stylish plaid associates! The Plaid Avenger has headed due north out of Pakistan in the plaid jet after partying with my main man Musharraf, and am now in the vast arctic outback of central Russia on a dual mission… Duel mission? You think I am here to challenge Vladimir Putin in full-on, frontal fisticuffs? Oh, hell no! As you well know, no one should challenge that whack world leader one-on-one! He is a total bad ass! And he’s got the guns to back up his words. And now he’s got the bombs too…the ‘daddy of all bombs’ to be exact. I saw the be-yatch light up, and it was a doozie!
So I’m not here for a duel mission but for a dual mission, meaning I have two tasks to report on before I leave the frigid follies of this forsaken terra firma. However, both timely topics are tied to each other…they are the repercussions of Russia’s recovered military might! Read this:
Russia tests ‘dad of all bombs’
Russia tests world’s most powerful vacuum bomb
Russia revives Soviet-era strategic bomber patrols
Russia resumes long-range air patrols
Old Russian strategic bombers continue to make news
Russian air patrols ‘a show of might’
Fears over Russian economic power
What the hell? Papa bombs and bomber patrols? What gives with all this stuff? I’m glad you asked my friends, so that now you can become smarter than the average bear…hmmmm….that is a great choice of words since we are dealing with the biggest baddest bear on the planet: the Russian Bear. And the Bear is back my friends, and with a brazen bear attitude! But I get ahead of myself as always…let’s go back a bit…
The Bear has taken a bad beating in the last several decades. A beating so brutal that it was questionable if the Russians would ever bounce back from it. I am referring to the Soviet Era and the Cold War of course; a period which ended in total disaster and disarray for the Russians a mere 15 years ago when their whole political system and way of life completely collapsed. Read the textbook for details, but know this for now: by 1992 the USSR had crumbled into nothingness, the Russians had lost tons of territory, tons of resources, tons of people, and their economy totally sucked ass…but perhaps worst of all, they had lost the Cold War and lost their ‘super-power’ status.
Dudes, these guys were totally in the toilet economically, socially, militarily, ideologically and they had no political clout whatsoever in the world. Damn! That sounds harsh. Well, its true, and the Russians knew it. Its important to understand how screwed the place was in the early 1990’s, because it will help you make sense of the current upswing in national pride that is happening today, and how that nationalistic pride is manifesting itself into things which are affecting the entire globe.
So from Bear pain to Bear pride in the last decade. How? No details needed here, just two words: Putin and petroleum. Vlad ‘the man’ Putin is a extremely popular dude who has led this Russian turn-around. He is a stoic yet charismatic leader that has made it his mission to put Russia back on the map, and he has been done one hell of a bang-up job doing just that for almost 8 years now. He is viewed as physically strong, intelligent, savvy, tough on crime, an ardent nationalist, and a leader that is independent and confident enough to stand up to ‘the West’ and fight for the Russian right to party! Yes, he is the ‘Super-Russian’! Well, that’s what the Ruskies think anyway. And how has he accomplished this super-fame and fortune? That would be due to the other P….the petroleum.
Russia has vast reserves of petroleum and natural gas, and under Putin’s leadership has made mega-bucks exporting it to Europe, to China, and all points abroad. Controlling these energy resources has helped Russia regain its footing as a world player in terms of political clout (i.e. most European countries are scared shitless to piss off Russia in any way, since the Bear provides so much of their energy needs), and of course all the bucks they make on sales has revived their economy. And I do mean mega-bucks. Enough bucks to get Russia out of debt. Enough bucks to store away for a rainy day. Enough bucks to revamp their economy. Enough bucks to revamp their military….oops! Let’s stop right there! That brings us back to our news stories!
At this point you should be connecting all the dots on your own…but since no major news organizations can seem to do it, I’ll elaborate more for their sake. Russia has ‘been flexing its muscles’ as reported by most places, with many folks incorrectly assuming that this is a return to some sort of ‘Cold War’ mentality. The idea that Russia wants to return to the heyday of global confrontation and challenge the US to a nuke war seems preposterous to the Plaid, and is quite frankly a joke. Russia may be doing a lot better, but they still have plenty of problems on their plate to keep them busy for a while. So why the re-vamping of their military, the re-starting of the old Cold War bomber patrols, and the re-volutionary development of the biggest freakin’ bomb ever?
First and foremost: national pride. That’s an easy call. Again, consider where Russia was just ten years ago: a broke, down and out, former world power that no one gave a shit about. Now that they have some jack to spend, what would possibly be a more natural avenue to regain your past glory than to beef up your military? All countries do it man! Hell, the US spends a mega-ton-shitload on military stuff ever year! Shit-fire, we put a damn human on the moon just to compete with the Ruskies! Military stuff is not just a base of power, but it’s also a base of pride for many folks the world over. Okay, except the Swiss…always the damned Swiss have to be an exception…but I digress. Just know this: Russians are regaining their nationalistic pride with their strong leader making a militarily strong Russia.
Hell, the Russians have always loved that military shit. (They have been, and still are, a major weapons dealer to the world.) The only reason that they stopped expanding their military technologies and capacities in the first place was because they were totally freakin’ broke man! Now, they are not broke. And now, they are catching their military back up. Is that really a surprise to anyone? Does that really constitute a specific threat to anyone? I don’t think so….yet.
The second reason that the Russians are so keenly revamping their military is indeed strategic: they want to regain influence over their immediate neighbors, and appear strong enough to thwart any external invasion or internal dissent. Remember, as the center of the USSR, Russia had power over what is now Central Asia, the Caucus region, and Eastern Europe. Russia lost all that influence after the USSR collapsed, and worse yet, many of those countries have become NATO members…a move that the Bear has interpreted as ‘the West’ encroaching into their territory.
One need only consider a country like Estonia: a state with a direct border with Russia that once was a soviet satellite, and now is a NATO member…which means it is a country that used to have Russian missiles in it pointed at Europe, and now has NATO missiles in it pointing at Russia. Hmmm….can you start to see why Russia is ‘beefing up’ to discourage NATO growth? Personally, I don’t think NATO and ‘the West’ is any threat to Russia, but some of those Ruskies think otherwise. Or at least they just want to pretend to feel threatened so that they can project their power outwards again. Either way, same result. It should also be noted that Russia has been cozying up with China and the Central Asian states lately in an effort to form a ‘counter-weight’ to US/‘the West’ power on the planet. Look up the blog on the SCO if you are interested in more on the topic. But let’s finish this rant for now with one last thought…
And that last thought is a third–and by far the most interesting–reason behind the increase in military maneuvers by the Russians….and it’s one that only the Plaid Avenger will tell you about, because most haven’t figured it out yet. But for that, I have to get on my plaid parka, feed the sled dogs, and prepare to head much further north. And you will have to tune in tomorrow to find out…
Mush! Mush bitches! Mush!
