Goodbye Gaza Part 2: Who the hell is Hamas?
Do-gooders? Politicians? Extremists? Rebels? Terrorists? The answer is: All the Above. Depending on who you ask of course. Hello Plaid Friends. My Hamas-inspired hiatus was due to me working deep deep deep undercover in the Gaza Strip helping secure the release of that reporter-dude named Alan Johnston—whose release was secured by the ruling Hamas government. And after the free-hostage-celebration ended (and man, those freed hostages seriously know how to party) I remembered that I am way past due on my blog deadline to describe a little about these Hamas cats and their changing role in
Hamas hopeful after Alan’s release
U.S.: Johnston release will not change world opinion of Hamas
MPs urging engagement with Hamas
SO what the hell is a Hamas? Founded in 1987, Hamas was the Gaza Strip branch of the Islamist Muslim Brotherhood movement founded in
Unfortunately for ‘the West’ and its allies, Hamas is something else to a lot of Palestinians and Middle Easterners in general. It is a political party in the Palestinian territories, and one that has gained popularity in the last few years. Hamas is the only other real political party option besides Fatah. Fatah is the main political party in
But let’s be real Plaid! They can’t possibly be a real political party! Who the hell would vote for a political party that advocates open violence? Why would anyone in
A political party or faction, much like any other party or faction worldwide, Hamas contains a shitload of different viewpoints amongst its members—again, not unlike the Republican or Democratic parties in the
Dammit I hope so, because that is the only way you can understand their current dilemma. What has happened over the course of the last decade is that the political and social and militant wings of the Hamas party have kind of parted ways on what to do and how to act. There has been no singular front; no singular voice of Hamas that speaks for all. As the social movement in Hamas has struggled to keep up with charitable deeds in an increasingly desperate situation, and the political wing of Hamas has essentially been ignored and shut out of the political process, the militant wing has gained strength within the movement. In other words, as other options have floundered for the party, the militant guys have gained ground thru their deeds and actions—since no one else can seemingly get anything done, or be taken seriously by ‘the West’.
Am I defending them for blowing shit up? Hell no I’m not defending their actions! I’m just trying to explain why the more violent factions within the Hamas party have come to power. Fuck man, they tried the political route—they put up candidates, campaigned for change, got lots of people to vote for them, won the election…and then were politely told to go away and shut the fuck up. Is it some sort of surprise to other world leaders that Hamas has taken a more violent approach to change, since its other options have been totally shut down? Oh wait a minute…I’m assuming western leaders know their asses from a hole in the ground. My mistake again. Let’s move on…
Now you know enough to get to the meat and potatos of the current shit-storm: Since the death of Yasser Arafat, the Fatah movement has lost steam–and the Hamas movement has gained it. Hamas’s political wing had been entering local/state elections and winning a lot of them, mostly in
In January 2006, Hamas won a surprise victory in the Palestinian parliamentary elections, taking 76 of the 132 seats in the chamber, while the ruling Fatah party took 43. What’s the big deal about that? Well, in a parliamentary system, the ruling party of parliament gets to pick the Prime Minister, as well as form the ruling government. (The President is elected by a separate popular vote, like in US) That meant that, quite legally, Hamas was in control and would pick the Prime Minister and be in control of the workings of the Palestinian territory. Oops! The Palestinian government was going to be run by a political party labeled as terrorist by
When this happened,
Long story short, the Palestinian parliament was Hamas-controlled but since the world was going to shut them out entirely, Mahmoud Abbas (remember, he is a Fatah guy) kept power until some sort of power-sharing deal could be worked out. Well, that was 6 months ago and they never worked the shit out. Hamas got fed up with the process and all hell broke out a few weeks back—Hamas literally, physically and militarily took control of the entire Gaza Strip, their political stronghold from the start. On June 18, 2007, Palestinian President Abbas issued a decree outlawing the Hamas militia and executive force, and two days later called the group “murderous terrorists.” The Hamas forces that were in real control of
So what we have now is Hamas controlling the Gaza part of Palestine, Fatah controlling the West Bank of Palestine, and the possible end of any future singular state of ‘
And Hamas? Well, it appears that they may be more fucked than ever. As all western powers are only recognizing their Fatah rivals in the West Bank, their government in
I don’t know the answer to that my friends, but I do know a little about how all this will positively affect Fatah, our next topic…
Goodbye Gaza! Part 1: Let’s Talk Territory
So what in the living hell has been happening this month in the area referred to as
Introduction to Palestine/Israel geography a.k.a. long story short: Currently, the area we refer to as
After the dismemberment of the Ottoman Empire at the conclusion if WWI, many territories that are now states in the
But there was one small problem for the incoming Jews—there were already other people living there! Shitloads of people! The people we call Palestinians! Arab/Muslim Palestinians that were living there weren’t too keen on this process, and friction between the groups developed. The Brits saw the impending shit-storm that was brewing, so they bailed out and handed over the entire area to the UN to let them sort it out. Subsequently, a majority of the United Nations Special Committee on
This led Jewish leaders to declare the independent State of Israel the day prior to official British withdrawal, on 14 May 1948. All the surrounding Arab countries immediately attacked it, and the ensuing 1948 Arab-Israeli War ended with the former mandate territory controlled by the State of Israel, the
I won’t go into detail here, but you should probably at least know this: since 1948 there have been multiple wars between Israel and the neighboring Arab states over control of the territories, but the most critical one was the 1967 6-Day War. Try and figure out how the war got its name. After that, try and figure out who is buried in Grant’s tomb. Anyway by this war’s end,
The results of the war affect the geopolitics of the region to this day. The Sinai Peninsula eventually reverted back to Egypt and the Golan Heights will probably soon revert back to Syria, but the West Bank and the Gaza Strip have been under Israeli occupation and control since 1967…and continuing to this day. Which brings us to the end of this chapter…
The West Bank and Gaza Strip are sometimes referred to as ‘the
All this mess has been further complicated by
This shit is so confusing. I hope this has helped. At least know what these geographic terms mean: the West Bank, the Gaza Strip,
‘2-State Solution’ Totally Tanked. And so am I: an intro.
What is happening my Party Plaid People? Sorry for the incredible incorrigible inconvenient incognito that I have indulged in for several weeks, but what can I say? Sometimes when you fall in cahoots with a couple of Asian hotties while working undercover to infiltrate a top-secret lingerie factory outside
But now I’m back! And lo and behold! All hell has broken loose in the Strip! Now typically when I hear the word ‘strip’ it has nothing but positive connotations in my experience abroad. But when the strip in question is the Gaza Strip, we’re talking about a whole different type of being fucked. I have the distinct feeling that most Americans don’t have an utter clue about the importance of the events in
Some serious shit has gone done there—and I mean history-altering type of shit. Everything in the Arab-Israeli dispute, the ‘two-state solution’, and peace in the
Day 1: Who the hell is Hamas?
Day 2: What the fuck is Fatah?
Day 3: When did all this shit go down: a timeline
Day 4: Where the hell are these places we’re talking about? Territory matters!
Day 5: Why is the ‘2-state solution’ now totally tanked?
Day 6: Wrap-up; likely scenarios and what outside forces will do.
Damn! The who-what-when-where-and why of current events in
If you build it, they will come. If you ask it, it shall be written. That is my inebriated pledge to you, my friends.
Shit, now I’ve got to sleep off this hangover and figure out Hamas. I must be out of my mind. Check this out while you wait:
Mid-East leaders gather at summit
Haniya rejects Israel-Arab summit
Israel and U.S. agree on Palestinian approach
Forget the Frosted Flakes: G-8 Riots, They’re Grrrrrrrrrr…..eight!!!
Ha! Smashing comedy! How capital! And speaking of capital, today’s topical topic involves those eight countries containing copious quantities of capital—the G-8. The Great-8 as I like to refer to them as. And the G could also stand for G-money my brotha’s and sista’s cause the 8 has got that too! I was just taking a weekend holiday in
That’s right friends, it’s almost time for the annual G8 summit and the Germans decided to start celebrating a couple of days early! Check this out:
G-8 Protesters Clash With German Police
Violent clashes at G8 demo in Germany
You remember the G8, right? If not, the G8 is basically just a group of eight richest “democratic” countries (
Anyway, there is one sucky aspect about being president of the G8: you gotta host the party! Let me tell you, I have hosted some Animal House style parties in my day, but even the Plaid Avenger would NEVER choose to host a G8 summit! Nothing incites the poor, the disenfranchised, and the radical-left like a bunch of empowered white dudes getting together to bullshit about being rich. And NOBODY likes to riot more than the before mentioned groups (except, perhaps, residents of
As you can tell by the articles, this year’s summit is being held at a beach front resort in important heads of state: Vlad “The Man” Putin, Tony “Poodle-Boy” Blair, and Jacques “The Rock” Chirac (Plaid Prediction: the Kempinski Grand Hotel will be several bathrobes short at the end of the summit). It will also be the first G8 summit for Gordon ‘Brown Sugar’ Brown, Nick ‘the Knife’ Sarkozy, and Shinzo “Sake-to-me” Abe—who, according to several sources, is capable of drinking over 30 Sapparo Black Label beers in one sitting! Sweet!
But, the real excitement will be outside of the fence. The pre-party started at a peaceful protest” in nearby
1.Energy costs are sky high.
2.Global Warming scares the shit out of people living in the Northern European lowlands.
3.GW Bush is remarkably even LESS popular than he was last year. Jesus! How is that possible?
What will the summit accomplish? Probably nothing as usual. This international group does not have any binding contractual agreement to actually do or enforce anything. It’s more just a ‘fireside chat’ among these top world leaders about what to focus on in the coming year, with no real intent to actually put any policy in place.
However, you should be aware about this ‘focus’ stuff. It was absolutely no coincidence that US President George Bush suddenly came out with a policy just last week which states that his administration wants to start dealing with global warming—after essentially ignoring the issue for six years! Its going to be up for debate at the G-8, and George doesn’t want to be odd man out anymore.
Also, look for everyone to be kissing Putin’s ass as much as possible since
OK, enough on this, I’m headed back to the “coffee shop”. I’ll catch you plaid cats later. Party in plaid.
Screw Oz: Sri Lanka’s got the Lions and Tigers, but no Bears
What is up Party Plaid People!?! Sorry for the hiatus, but the Plaid Avenger got Shanghai-ed on his way to Pyongyang to play ping-pong with Jing-Jing the giant panda bear and official mascot of the 2008 Chinese Olympics. Ha! There’s your damn bear reference! Now this is officially the blog of Lions, Tigers, and Bears—and if you just said “oh my!” to yourself, then you are officially as gay as the Lollipop Kids in Munchkinland. But I digress as usual…
What I’m really here to educate you about involves beer and bombs, but not in that order. I landed here in
14 combatants killed in 2 days of Sri Lankan clashes
Tamil Tigers strike Colombo, naval base
Sri Lanka’s worsening war fans ethnic Tamils’ fears
Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam: the Wikipedia run-down for those interested in greater detail
Lion Stout rated from The Beer Advocate
The Lion hunt ends in west Londo from Michael Jackson (no, not the one-gloved freak)
Ah yes! Now that you have painstakingly perused those particular publications, let’s get on with the pontifications. The Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE), commonly known as the Tamil Tigers, is a group that can be identified as either a rebel alliance fighting for freedom of its peoples, or a terrorist group stirring up trouble and causing political and economic turbulence in Sri Lanka—depending of course on the point of view of who you ask. If you ask the Tamil folks, they are freedom fighters; if you ask
This is an easy one to understand. Most of the folks hanging out in
Ancient origins or forced labor, either way the Tamil ethnic group has its roots in
What are they known for? The Tigers should perhaps be credited mostly with the pronounced use of suicide bombers as a strategic tactic—and specifically using women as suicide bombers too. While we often think suicide bombers as a distinct tool of extremist Islamists or Palestinian splinter groups,
The other thing that sets the Tigers apart from modern day terrorist/rebel organizations is that they have a well-established ground base or territory that they work from (see map), a well-established and easily identified military organization (as witnessed in their cool uniforms), a totally wicked official logo (see above), a naval force (the Sea Tigers), but most importantly and most currently: air power. On March 26th of this year the Tigers flew a couple of small aircraft under the radar and dropped a few bombs around the Sri Lankan capital of
Mind you, I’m not singing their praises. This whole conflict should have been resolved peacefully years ago, and the Avenger blames both sides for being pig-headed and short-sighted. Over 60,000 Sri Lankans have died since 1983 as a result of this petty civil war, with no clear end in sight. Damn, why do we humans have to be so damn dumb?
From dumb to numb. Now let’s lighten the mood with the other topic of the day: Sri Lankan Lions! While the Tigers motives may be mischievous, the Lion in definitely the king of this jungle! I’m talking about beer my friends…a kick ass stout to be exact.
Originally brewed by Ceylon Brewery, the Lion line has expanded into its own in the last hundred years to be the premier export beer of the country. Still brewed in the hill town of
You should easily be able to find this beer in any specialty store across the
Damn those Tigers! But praise the Lion! The Plaid Avenger has struck again!
Keep in Touch with Plaid Updates
Get the University Textbook
The Plaid Avenger's World

Are you a college professor teaching World Regions or Global Political classes? Pick up the cutting edge, most entertainly educating textbook currently on the market.
PreviewGet the Comic Books
Issue 2: Battle For Burma

Well, the battle for the heart and soul of this country is on, but no one outside Burma seems to be able to do a damn thing about it! Why not?
Preview