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Drinking ‘Down Under’: Bush and Bush Lite

The Anheiser Twins: Bush & Bush Lite

Greetings from ‘Down Under’ my plaid friends. Down under the equator, in Australia that is….  Good’ay mates—or whatever sappy shit these goobers say down here!  The Avenger is 20 beers deep, and I’m talkin’ those big ass Foster’s Lager oil cans my friends!  Whew, my bladder is full enough to douse the Greek wildfires all by myself.  But I digress and impress as usual…What the hell would the Avenger be doing down here in Australia, or as I like to call it: ‘Mini-America’? 

Well, my dance card is full this week: I’m first going to go spear a bunch of crocodiles and manta rays in honor of the 1-year anniversary of the Croc Hunter’s death.  Then I’ll be picking up several cases of vegemite and Toohey’s New [look it up—good stuff]. And I’ll probably have to hook up with Cate Blanchett for a bit…and then go smack the shit out of Russell Crowe just for good measure. But mostly I’m down here this week scoping out the big APEC meeting that is going down in Sydney! All the big world leaders around the Pacific Rim are here—but one came a little early to hook up with Australian Prime Minister John Howard. That would be one George W. Bush, Johnnie’s biggest fan.  What? Bush loves Howard? Howard loves Bush? What gives here? Well, that’s what today’s rant is really all about. Dig this:

Bush and Howard in Sydney talks

Howard, Bush to discuss military ties

Howard and Bush present united front on Iraq War

Absence of body bags leaves Howard’s voter approval rating in the black

Howard Loss: Blow to Bush

#1 US ass-kisser, and loving it!

Okay here we go! You folks got to know who the hell John Howard is, and what he means to the current President of the US.  Since Tony ‘lap dog’ Blair has stepped down as the Prime Minister of the UK, there is no other world leader that can claim to be the #1 ass-kisser to the US except Prime Minister John Howard of Australia.  John Howard is definitely Australia‘s ‘Bush Light’ to America‘s Bush. Ha! What a great beer reference that makes perfect sense in this situation! What the smell I’m I talking about now?  Just this:

Howard is what you Americans would call a conservative. His political party is extremely similar to the Republican Party in the US too. As such, he has been tight with the Bush administration ever since Georgie got into power.  Hmmm….what was that now, about 7 years ago?  John Howard has True love rears its ugly head….been in office for 11 years, and is running for his 5th consecutive term. In point of fact, the two men met on September 10, 2001…and we all know what happened the very next day.  And Bush and Howard have been 100% supportive of each other in pretty much every single way two world leaders can be, short of marriage.  But of course neither of them believe in gay marriage either, so they just keep things on the low-down [see pic to your left—like I could make that shit up?]  Long story short: politically, economically, and philosophically, these two guys are twins. 

But let’s be honest here: the US is definitely the big brother in this situation, with the Australian twin lagging far behind in real military power, economic power, and even in political clout. But they have been as supportive a little brother as they could be! Mini-America has been doing their best!

And what has ‘their best’ consisted of? A few points to consider:

Hahahahaha too awesome. These kids kick ass!1)Absolute, unquestioning, and utter total support of the US war in Iraq. Australia was one of the first to sign up and support the US endeavor, and has had troops there from the start—only about 1500 troops, but it’s the thought that counts! And even though support for the war has been drying up around the world, Howard just announced yesterday that Australian troops are there to stay as long as the US wants them—no doubts, no questions asked. You should know this too: most Australians DON’T support the war as heartily as Howard does, and this is starting to cost him popularity points big time. It is predicted that he will lose the nest election based on this issue alone.  And he may lose BIG.

2)ALMOST absolute, unquestioning, and utter total support of US foreign policy when it comes to Asia.  And I did say ALMOST.  What do I mean? Australia pretty much goes along with all US foreign policy directives in the area.  In fact, many years back, George Bush referred to John Howard as the ‘deputy sheriff’ of Asia…that is, they were the local enforcers of ‘sheriff’ US‘s policies.  Boy, did that one set off a shit storm! While it was intended to be a compliment, it totally served to piss off a whole bunch of Asian countries that considered it demeaning that all the ‘whities’ would think of themselves as in charge of the area. Howard was pretty embarrassed too, but he knows Georgie meant well. How hilarious!

But I did say ALMOST total support for US policies in Asia.  With one big exception: China.  The US is definitely using its strong strategic partnership with Australia and Japan, among others, to serve as a counter against the rise of China‘s power in the region. The US would like to see both Australia and Japan stay firmly and completely in step with US foreign policy when it comes to China‘s rise.  BUT, Howard is no fool.  Because of the massive economic powerhouse China has become, Howard knows he has to kiss some Chinese ass too in order to stay in tight with those guys.  He has been forging all kinds of economic and strategic ties to China, because its making the Australian economy so much stronger. He’s got to do it, and he has been. And finally…

3)Strengthening ties between Australia and US on just about every single damn topic you could dream up.  Such as? Well, both leaders used to dismiss global warming altogether…and now suddenly they both think it’s a big deal and are supporting each other with a grand plan that they have cooked up—one that puts the heat on China to reduce greenhouse gases as much as the US does. Hmmmm….does that sound like a coincidence that these two twins would come out with a plan that pressures China? Yeah, I don’t think so either. 

Damn guys! Get a damn room!Other ties that are currently going down include: increased sharing of military technologies, increased joint military exercise, increased security information sharing, increased nuclear power technologies sharing, increased joint promotion of nuke power and increased long walks on the beach together holding hands….. but that’s another blog that will have to wait for now.

But the love between these two leaders waits for no one…let the APEC love-fest begin! What is APEC you ask? Let’s do that tomorrow!

Party in Plaid


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Well, the battle for the heart and soul of this country is on, but no one outside Burma seems to be able to do a damn thing about it! Why not?

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