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No Hangover from this Party: 6-Party Talks Actually Working!!!

Shit yeah! Let's get this party started!Sweetness! I love a good party….and I love a great party even more! And when the party is the 6-Party Talks, well, I think you know that the Avenger is going to be getting his drink on… times 6!  To understand the plaid world in which we all co-habitate in my friends, you really must know what, or who, or where, the 6-Party is.  And the party just got it going on over the last weekend, with some very interesting results.  In fact, I have been partying in Pyongyang playing power ping-pong while getting my drink on with a Chinese panda named Ling-Long! Ha! Top that on a Labor Day weekend! So what the hell is this Korean party all about? Check it: 

US Says North Korea to End Nuclear Program

No Form Date to Take North Korea Off Terror List

North Korea Close to Being Struck from Terror List

One Less on the Axis of Evil?

N Korea Asks to Leave Axis of Evil, Cites “Creative Differences” (this is satire, but its good!)

So who the hell gets the invite to the 6-Party? I’m glad you asked.  The sweet 6 are the US, China, North Korea, South Korea, Russia, and Japan.  And what’s the party all about? Just as easy to answer: the goal of the party is to find a peaceful resolution to the security concerns raised by North   Korea attempting to build a nuclear program.  Nuclear bombs specifically, which of course always worries anybody in the world that doesn’t want to get fucking blown up.  And especially the countries that are right next door to North Korea which would be the first to be targeted.  And quite frankly, everybody and their Asian brother is worried about North Korea getting anything close to a nuclear warhead, since their country is run by a complete fucking lunatic. 

Former UPS employee of the month, Kim Il-Jong the great…I mean the delusional/

Which lunatic? That would be Kim Jong-il.  The freak. Not to be too harsh on the guy, but I generally refer to him as the Michael Jackson of the Korean peninsula.  He lives in a palace while his people starve to death, but is surrounded by military whackos and court jesters who tell him he’s a god and that everybody loves him.  Shit, the dude is totally clueless about reality….much like Jackson, he is just living in his isolated Neverland Ranch, propped up by admirers that tell him everything is great.  Unfortunately, Kim il-Jong’s ‘ranch’ happens to be a country, and he happens to be the head of it.  And Michael Jackson’s nose is real.  Just like his skin.  Yeah right. Fucking freaks the both of them.  But I digress as usual…

So the US, Russia, Japan, South Korea, and even China are not really keen on this goober or any of his military advisers acquiring nuclear weapons.  So much so that all the countries have been working in earnest for years to get this group of freaks to relinquish development of their nuclear program, pull their heads out of their asses, and join the rest of the real world.  The US has been so insistent about it that they put North Korea in their famous ‘Axis of Evil’ category along with Iraq and Iran.

'Axis of Evil' dissapating fast! Get your action figures soon!Of course Iraq is now off the list since its occupied by the US…. oh, and no weapons were actually found anyway. And now folks around the world are debating about what to do to Iran and their nuclear program.  But there really has never been any debate about the North Korea situation: everyone thinks they are nuts and all surrounding countries just want them to knock off with the damn shenanigans!  Too bad whacko North Korea! You are on your own! Not even China wants to put their neck out for those freaks.

And apparently that’s why the 6-Party talks are working. Everyone has been putting the heat on the Koreans to dismantle their nuclear program.  And it looks like it worked! The stories above reference that just last weekend the North Korean regime has agreed to not only stop production of nuclear materials, but to completely dismantle their program by the end of the year! Damn! That’s big news! But why would they nutty Northerners agree to this at this particular time? Why not earlier? Or why agree at all?

Here’s why: they suck.  The North Korean economy is non-existent. The people are starving to death, and winter is fast approaching which will result in many more folks starving to death. North Korea just got the shit kicked out of them by major floods all summer.  Their already meager crops are going to suck ass this year.  People are trying to literally haul ass out of the country by the thousands—it has gotten so bad in the last year that the Chinese have posted troops all over their border with North Korea to stem the tide of immigrants trying to get the hell out of there.  Seriously, the place is a total joke. And everyone in the leadership is starting to realize that they can’t keep this total sham of a country afloat for much longer. 

Call in Michael Jackson! Maybe he can lull the North Korean masses into submission by singing ‘Beat It’ a million times! Shit, the whole damn place already looks like a scene from the fucking ‘Thriller’ video.  Dude! I would pay serious money to see Kim il-Jong do the moonwalk!

But anyway, North Korea can no longer afford to piss off all its neighbors, especially when all those neighbors [as well as the US] are going to be providing them with all sorts of food aid, fuel aid, and financial aid as incentive to give up the nukes.  And the Plaid Avenger has always been convinced that the quest for nukes by the North Koreans has been simply about having a card to play in international politics…in other words a leveraging tool for the world to take the North Koreans seriously.  Now that the North Korean position is a total joke and the country is nearing collapse, giving up the nukes appears to be the only face-saving device which allows Kim and his funky bunch to get international assistance while keeping their rule—and the entire country—intact.

You’ll notice from the stories above that as soon as the 6-Party ended on Sunday, the North Koreans ran out to the press and announced that the US was normalizing relations with them, and taking them off the ‘Axis of Evil’/terrorist list.  What a bunch of boneheads! The US immediately renounced that claim, and has instead said that they will be working towards patching up relations with the Koreans, and possibly taking them off the ‘terror list’ once the nuclear plants are actually totally dismantled.  Shit! Those whack-ass North Koreans can’t even keep the story strait for 5 damn minutes.

BUT! Whatever the story is, it is a promising turn of events for the US, South Korea, Japan, and the entire world. Promising for the North Koreans because they will undoubtedly get shit tons of aid, just when they need it most.  Perhaps they will actually give up all efforts to make nukes. Perhaps the US will take them off the terror list. Perhaps the Korean peninsula will start a re-unification process if this goober regime opens up a little. Perhaps Michael Jackson and Kim il-Jong will become fast friends…and then lovers…  Who knows what the rosy future holds?

And repercussions outside the Korean peninsula? There are plenty, but only one worth mentioning, and it’s a doozie! And its also in the news on the same day, which compounds its importance!  What the smell am I referring to?  I’m talking about Iran, and how the 6-Party is going to cause a huge fucking hangover for them, even though they weren’t invited to the crib!  Dig this:

Iran Meets Key Target in Nuclear Program

Long story short, just as North Korea is renouncing nukes, Iran is bragging that they are fast developing them.  Damn! Its like those guys are absolutely determined to piss off the world!  I’ll deal with the Iranian nuke program later, but know this for now: with North Korea out of the picture, the ‘Axis of Evil’ is fast turning into the ‘Axis of One’ aka ‘the Only Evil One Left’.  Iran was already getting plenty of attention for its nuclear activities; with North Korea going legit, all eyes of the world will now be sternly focused of what the hell Iran is now going to do.  Shit! IS is getting hot in here or what?

So know this my fine American friends: know what the 6-Party is all about; know the Kim-il really is pretty ill—in his head; know that North Korea is going straight and may rejoin the rest of us here on planet earth soon.  And know why this is turning up the heat on Iran….

Party in Plaid in Pyongyang!

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