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Nuke Deal for New Delhi kicks off New Age of US-India Relations

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Word up my plaid comrades in arms! It is I The Plaid Avenger, coming at you again in the written word, with a new attitude, a new lease on life, and a new pair of plaid boxers, and all right here in the heart of New Delhi. That’s in India, fool! I had to come here to party with my main man Manmohan Singh….that would be Prime Minister Singh to you! And why would he be hitting the hookah in celebration? ‘Cause the US Congress just passed a India-US nuke deal that the Bush Administration has been pushing hard for…and Manmohan himself has had to work his Indian ass off for at home. Dig this:

U.S. Senate approves Indian nuclear deal

Nuclear deal set to boost US-India ties

India tilts to the US with nuclear deal

Iran: US-India nuclear deal violates NPT

Left parties observe black day

So what is the deal with this deal? It’s all about the US helping bend some international rules to get India hooked up with some nuclear energy options. Wait a damn minute…..Doesn’t India already have nuclear weapons? Answer: yes. Doesn’t India already have a nuclear weapons industry? Answer: yes. So therefore, doesn’t it stand to reason that India already has a nuclear power industry? Answer: NO! But they really want one…and they really need one too. So what gives?

India must have energy to continue on their path of development. They must have the go-go juice in order to build and operate all those new factories and industries which will be supplying the world with lots of cheap labor trinkets. India also has serious development in the high-end computer and software sectors too…and you need energy to keep those screens on as well. And there is the small matter of a billion people in the country that would like to have lights and TVs and microwave ovens and all that shit. Unfortunately, India does not have many energy resources of its own. Therefore, India must import more and more energy in order to keep their economy running, and as you know that oil-based energy has been getting more and more expensive.

But wait…I thought the world was trying to get away from oil dependence? Why don’t the Indians just use some other type of energy? Well, as stated above, India ain’t got no oil. They do have some coal, but that is awfully polluting fuel for a billion people to use. As is wood. Or dried cow dung. So India simply doesn’t have a lot of energy options. Oh! Oh….wait! Oh….Oh….Oh…I got it! Call on me teacher! I’ve got the answer! Call on me! My hand is up!…How about nuclear energy? Yeah! Damn I’m good. See, India already has nuclear technology; hell, it has a nuclear program and nuclear bombs! So they can just start making nuclear energy….right? Wrong! WTF? Why not?

Almost all the major world powers which possess nuclear weapons have signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT), which basically states that they won’t proliferate or distribute nuke technology to anybody else. However, I did say almost all. India, Pakistan and Israel are three states known to possess nuke technology, but who have not signed this treaty—and all for very, very different reasons too, which I won’t get into here. As you can imagine, this treaty is mostly to ensure that nobody is making nuke weapons, but nuke power technology is allowed by the NPT, which makes enforcement of it tricky…i.e. see IRAN in current events.

Just know this for now: if you aren’t signed up for the treaty, then you are not allowed to access civilian nuke technology or buy fuel for nuke energy production either. Which is why India has been stuck. But the US likes India! The UN likes India! Hell, everybody likes India! Okay, maybe not Pakistan. But most of the world sees India as a multi-cultural society and stable democracy that is developing rapidly in the modern world. And since they already have the nuke technology, most think they can handle nuke energy. But that pesky NPT! What to do about that?

Well, US President George Bush thought of what to do a few years back: bend it a little. In an effort to strengthen US-Indian ties, Georgie has been working tirelessly (okay, someone who works for Georgie has been working tirelessly) to make India the exception to this NPT rule. The United States-India Peaceful Atomic Energy Cooperation Act of 2006 is the legal framework for a bilateral pact between the US and India under which the US will provide access to civilian nuclear technology and access to nuclear fuel in exchange for IAEA-safeguards on civilian Indian reactors.

In other words, the US will personally work with India to get them the goods (nuke energy technologies and fuel) and in return India promises to abide by all the major rules of the NPT (especially the ‘no proliferating’ part) and the IAEA—the International Atomic Energy Agency—would also be participating to do inspections and enforce the rules.

Everybody was all about this shit man! Mohammad El Baradei of the IAEA thought it was a good idea. Prime Minister Singh thought it was sweet that India would be getting all kinds of cheap fuel for his economy. And the Bush Administration? Holy shit! They were tickled pink! Not only would the US get to make tons of money on selling India nuke secrets and nuke fuel, but US corporations were going to be getting a hefty share of building the nuke plants to boot! And the US really wants the growing Indian economy to produce its own fuel….thereby lessening its demand for world oil…lower Indian demand means more left over for us! At cheaper prices too!

However, this agreement turned into a 3 year rollercoaster ride for both the US and India. Prime Minister Singh actually got egg all over his face when the Indian Parliament initially shot down the idea, and then has been bickering over the details of its passage ever since. A main Indian political party named BJP declared that India’s entering this agreement with the US would compromise their national security by limiting their weapons program. Worse yet, a bunch of Indian Commie/Marxist parties declared their boycott of the nuke deal on the grounds that it made India a subservient pawn to the ‘imperialist policies of the U.S.A.’. Dudes, did anyone tell those Indian commies that the Cold War is over? Read the papers man!

But now all the fussing and fighting has finally ended, and that’s what this report is all about. Our main man Singh finally got enough of his parliament on board to sign the agreement, and the US Congress put its stamp of approval on it last week. The IAEA is in the middle working out all the details as we speak. Pull out the Tandori chicken and let the nuke party begin!

But hold the phone! Not everyone is in love with this deal! It is seriously pissing off opponents of nuclear proliferation around the globe, who argue that India is benefiting by breaking the rules…which will set a dangerous precedent for other countries to follow the same path. And one need look no further than Pakistan to see some pissed Paki peoples who claim that India is being shown favoritism by the West…because the same deal is certainly not being offered to them and their Muslim majority! Finally, look to a fuming Iran, which says that this whole process is bullshit, since the Iranians themselves are trying to do the exact same thing as India, but being punished for it! Iran has no nuke weapons and claims it only wants nuke energy….but they are getting their asses sanctioned instead of satiated for their efforts.

But the deal is now sealed, and that means plenty for these two giants. US businesses will certainly be getting sweet deals in the sub-continent now, the first such major in-roads that the US has ever made into the Indian economy. More importantly, this starts the solidification of a new era of US/India foreign policy, which serves to pull India distinctly into the ‘Team West’ camp on a variety of global issues. Namely, India is now firmly on-board the ‘Team West’ train in being a democracy, being a capitalist economy, being a big advocate of human rights and individual liberties, being a member of the ‘War on Terrorism’…and now with this nuke energy move, being an active member of the ‘Green Movement’ to stop using fossil fuels.

And India will certainly benefit by this new stronger alliance as well. Look for the next US President and all others after him, to increase visitation, aid, and military intelligence with India. Foreign direct investment will probably start pouring in from the US and others. Whether you like it or not, nuke energy will certainly be providing absolute shit tons of relatively cheap fuel to the Indian economy and its peoples, while minimizing environmental degradation. And look for India to become a much stronger global player by the side of the US as well…dare I say that this agreement may convince the US to support the inclusion of India on the UN Permanent Security Council! I dare! I dare! I predict it will happen!

Back home in India, those Marxist/Commie leftists are plenty pissed about these movements, and are convinced that this agreement will make India a new bitch to American foreign policy and influence. But I don’t see it. India has always been a very independent player and those Hindus have been doing their Hindi thing for thousands of years, so don’t expect them to cave in on issues of relevance when they disagree with Uncle Sam. But there is no doubt, Vishnu and Lady Liberty are in a new tango that has tremendous and titillating future potential!

If only I could get Krishna and Kali to wear some plaid outfits…hmmmm…Kali the Plaid Destroyer. Sounds kinky…

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