From Burma to Bavaria! “O’zapft is!” my plaid friends: It is tapped! Greetings from an undisclosed beer tent deep in the heart of Munich, Germany where the 174th Oktoberfest has kicked off and is in full swing. Ahhhh….I am in heaven, in my prime, and in-ebriated! What a perfect trifecta to be in! And of course the fräulein are digging my plaid lederhosen; but then again, who doesn’t? But I’m not just here to ride this two-week Bavarian celebration bandwagon; I came back to Deutschland from hanging with my Burmese Buddhist buddies to catch up with the grand pooh-bah of all the Buddhist monks, the main man, the Lama of all lamas: the Dalai himself.Dig this:
The Dalai Lama is one dude who stays always on the move…which is made easier by the fact he has no place to call home! Just in the last couple of weeks, the Dalai Lama has visited the President of Austria, the Prime Minister of Canada, and the Chancellor of Germany, Miss Merkel-icious herself, Angela Merkel! And all these visits really piss off the Chinese government.Now, the Chinese may just have gotten hot and bothered when the Lama went to Austria and Canada, but they were full-fledged infuriated by the fact that Germany allowed a meeting with Merkel and the monk.So pissed that now China is saying that diplomatic ties have been permanently damaged! What? Damaged ties because a dude in a maroon toga talked to Angela for an hour? What gives?
I’m glad you asked my plaid friends, because that is the reason for today’s blog….well, that and about 13 quarts of Bavaria‘s finest. But I digress as usual.Who the hell is this Lama guy, and why do his visits with world leaders leave the Chinese government seeing red?
This particular Lama (his given name is Tenzin Gyatso)is the 14th of his kind: the successive Dalai Lamas form a lineage of allegedly reborn magistrates which traces back to 1391. The Dalai Lama position is to be the spiritual leader of a main branch of Buddhism referred to as Northern Buddhism, or Tibetan Buddhism. (This division is more geographic than dogmatic: it does not necessarily correspond to philosophical or doctrinal divisions among Buddhist worldwide, since they all share a common belief system and share most practices.) However, it is not his religious position that irks the Chinese: the Dalai Lamas have also been historically the ‘head of state’ of a geographic entity we refer to as Tibet.
Now, there is no way to keep this brief without pissing lots of folks off….but I’m going to do it anyway.The area we refer to as Tibet has been various things at various times in the last thousand years: it was an independent kingdom, a vassal state, an autonomous region, a semi-autonomous region, a colonial holding, and a fully absorbed territory into a state we call China. For purposes of understanding today’s world, we need only concern ourselves with that last description…as part of Chinese territory.
During the heyday of the Manchu Empire in China, well over 300 years ago, Tibet increasingly came under the influence of the Chinese. But Chinese power was destroyed by internal factors and civil war combined with Western and Japanese imperialism in the 1800’s. AS China was falling apart, Tibet first became a pawn between Western powers (mostly Russian and British), and later began asserting its outright independence—and to keep the record straight for you, their ‘independence’ was proclaimed while China was self-destructing and the ‘West’ was preoccupied with World War 1. Basically, Tibet was largely just left to its own devices while all the other world powers were busy.
Long story short, once China got their act together (after WWII and their Civil War), they immediately starting re-establishing their presence in Tibet…and in fact had never renounced their claim of sovereignty on the area. The Dalai Lamas continued to partially rule in Tibet with, to some extent, autonomous power given by contemporary Chinese governments, until the People’s Republic of China invaded the region in 1949 and then took full control in 1959. The Dalai Lama then hauled ass to India and has since ceded temporal power to an elected government-in-exile. Which brings us up to date enough to understand today’s world…
The current 14th Dalai Lama seeks greater autonomy for Tibet. Not outright independence, but greater self-rule autonomy. The Chinese have interpreted this as a threat to their ‘sovereignty’—and let’s just call a spade a spade here….they hate the guy! They hate that he is so popular. They hate that he is well respected, and even venerated, as a world figure. They probably even hate his sweet-ass flowing robes. And they really, really, really, really, really, really hate it when any world leaders meet with the Dalai Lama because the Chinese think that the more recognition the guy gets, the more the world will demand that China give back Tibet to him. Its a similar issue to their Taiwan situation–the Chinese want NO ONE to officially recognize the guy for fear that Tibet will someday claim independence.
What is the Dalai Lama really up to? Well, the dude now tours the world—and he is the first Dalai Lama to go abroad—spreading the Buddhist message and preserving Tibetan culture. He does officially lead the ‘government in exile’ from Dharamsala, India.He is a fantastic speaker, promotes world peace, wildlife conservation, and a host of other awesome shit that has won him great respect, acclaim, and even a Nobel Peace Prize. Let’s face it: the dude is the Buddhist shizzle….how about we call him the Budd-izzel?
Anyway, as referenced in the stories above, the Budd-izzel Dalai Lama has been on a world tour this month, having just met for the first time ever with the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel.Budd-izzel and Merkelicious…how delicious! And of course the Chinese are shitting themselves with rage. So pissed that they are claiming that it has destroyed Chinese-German relations.
The Plaid Avenger’s take on the Chinese position? How about this: move the fuck on China! This is a moot issue, and everyone in the world knows it except you guys! No one is recognizing Tibetan sovereignty; no one is encouraging the Lama to declare a free Tibet; and no one is proposing any Tibetan independence resolutions at the UN! Just because a shitload of Americans have ‘Free Tibet!’ bumper stickers on their SUVs doesn’t make it so! Relax!
In fact, the Chinese-Tibet situation is extremely similar to another outdated, goofball relationship in the world…and that would be the one between the US and Cuba. Come on China! You guys mock the US for its blockheaded policies toward the tiny island state. Can’t you see that your issues with the Lama are just as foolish? Pony up and make peace with the guy, and give Tibet the limited democratic autonomy they are asking for.
But that’s enough Plaid rhetoric for now…I just mostly wanted you guys to know why the Chinese are currently so pissed at Germany, and why they will continue to get pissed at other countries in the future. Its because they are being goobers, and they hate how cool everyone thinks the Budd-izzel is. Jealousy is a bitch my Chinese brothers.Better to come here to Oktoberfest and chill down on some brewskies….
Which reminds me…Oh Fräulein! Another round at my table please! And wiener schnitzels! Bring me a shitload of wiener schnitzel! Stat!
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From 
Dalai Lamas form a lineage of allegedly reborn magistrates which traces back to 1391. The Dalai Lama position is to be the spiritual leader of a main branch of Buddhism referred to as Northern Buddhism, or Tibetan Buddhism. (This division is more geographic than dogmatic: it does not necessarily correspond to philosophical or doctrinal divisions among Buddhist worldwide, since they all share a common belief system and share most practices.) However, it is not his religious position that irks the Chinese: the Dalai Lamas have also been historically the ‘head of state’ of a geographic entity we refer to as 
immediately starting re-establishing their presence in 
are currently so pissed at Germany, and why they will continue to get pissed at other countries in the future. Its because they are being goobers, and they hate how cool everyone thinks the Budd-izzel is. Jealousy is a bitch my Chinese brothers. Better to come here to Oktoberfest and chill down on some brewskies….
