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INTERPOL: Justice, Global-Style!!!

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Huzzah for the good guys! Huzzah huzzah huzzah!…and help me find my way back to the hotel bar…I’ve been celebrating the recent snatch of a scumbag here in southeast Asia, Thailand to be exact, and I’m afraid I’ve gotten too caught up in the party to be able to navigate the back streets of Bangkok.  I’ve got the Murray Head song “One Night in Bangkok” set for permanent repeat on my Ipod, and I’ve been rockin’ it out with my INTERPOL peeps for days.  And damn! These INTERPOL guys know how to serve up the drinks after they serve up the justice! What’s that? Never heard of INTERPOL? The INTERnational Criminal POLice Organization? Well let’s pull out the cuffs and get our game on then:

Interpol launches public manhunt for pedophile

Interpol issues notice seeking arrest of Canadian suspected pedophile

Interpol swoops in Thailand

Interpol detains 166 cross-border crime suspects in Tanzania

International Co-operation Leads to Arrest of Rwandan Genocide Suspect

INTERPOL Official Site

Talk about global justice served! Man, I always get fired up when I see the good guys fighting for the global good getting their man…or in this case a total scumbag of a man.  Interpol’s most recent incursion into current events came last week when they helped bag some Canadian child molesting shit-eater. Interpol specialists unscrambled an internet-posted image of this dude in the act.  They then identified him, and sent out a worldwide information alert which helped track his sick ass down in less than a week, and he was subsequently arrested in Thailand. 

Oh, and I suppose I should respect the rights of judicial due process, and declare that this guy is innocent until proven guilty. NOT! I’m a vigilante at heart, but all that aside, the freak posted pictures of himself in the act! Hell no to due process! This twisted shit is guilty! The mere fact that a Canadian was caught outside of his country should be setting off alarm bells.  But a single white male Canadian caught in Thailand with photos of himself on the web molesting boys?….um….yeah….that’s what we call an open and shut case…And I hope they open and shut the iron door right on his skull a few hundred times after the trial, if you get my drift.

A little Plaid Avenger tip to you world travelers: don’t get arrested in SouthEast Asia.  Bad news my friends, bad news.  You ain’t coming out of one of those lock-ups the same man…if you come out at all!  But I digress as usual…I don’t want to talk about this bad man, or those bad prisons.  I’m much more interested in the good guys that got him. Who the hell is INTERPOL?

In a nutshell: INTERPOL is an organization facilitating international police cooperation. And I do mean international!  It is the world’s largest international police organization, with 186 member countries…making it the fifth biggest organization on the planet by membership.  INTERPOL helps facilitate co-operation on affairs of justice even when diplomatic relations do not exist between particular countries.  So even though countries like the US and Iran hate each other and have absolutely no diplomatic ties, both of those states participate in INTERPOL and therefore exchange information at least in the capacity of serving global justice. Everybody does INTERPOL man!

And what exactly does INTERPOL do? They support and assist all organizations, authorities and services whose mission is to prevent or combat international crime. The BIG thing they do is all about the information.  Pooling intelligence, as it were. INTERPOL has the single biggest crime database on the planet…created by verifying, posting, sharing, and cross-referencing all the crime data from all its participating countries…which as I have pointed out, is pretty much the whole damn world!  From their website: “One of INTERPOL’s most important functions is to help police in member countries share critical crime-related information using the organization’s system of international notices.”

But not all crime! Just the crimes and criminals that have an international dimension.  In order to maintain as politically neutral a role as possible, Interpol’s constitution forbids its involvement in crimes that do not overlap several member countries.  In other words, INTERPOL would never interfere in any judicial proceedings on a crime which occurred just in a single state—that is left to the locals to deal with.  However, when any individual or criminal organization deals across two or more countries, then INTERPOL tracks and posts the data…and sometimes even gets more pro-active by physically going after the bad guys!

So data sharing is their main deal.  They track and post lists of wanted fugitives who have fled across international borders. They post lists of stolen passport identities that all countries can access.  They advertise photos and known aliases of criminals.  All this data—and much more—is available across the entire planet to all police and government agencies who fight crime.  Pretty fucking cool man.  Unless you are a criminal of course. 

And the criminals they focus on?  Its work focuses primarily on public safety, terrorism, organized crime, war crimes, illicit drug production, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, trafficking in human beings, money laundering, child pornography, white-collar crime, computer crime, Intellectual Property crime and corruption.  All bad shit to be sure.  And all shit that has global dimensions on our world….which is why its so freakin’ awesome to see a truly positive form of globalization for a change!

Which is the real reason for today’s rant.  When are all these politicians and ardent nationalists going to wake the hell up to how the world is working right now?  We have a global economy, we have global trade, we have global movement of capital, global movement of people, global corporations, and even global warming.  As such, we also now have global crime syndicates, global drug trafficking, global human trafficking, global arms trade…HOWEVER we don’t have any real global law, no global judicial system, and no real way to effectively stop global crime.  Why not?

Because most of the countries on the planet refuse to cooperate in a single global law system due to conflicting cultural beliefs, personal vendettas against other countries, and mostly due to fear of loss of a smidgen of sovereignty.  Oh shit! There is that sovereignty word again! It is always causing trouble! In particular, the most powerful states in the world—like the US, China, Russia—have no interest in even pretending to participate in a singular global law system, for fear of losing even a modicum of their all-powerful self-rule. 

We live in a globalized world people! Crime does not stop at state borders anymore! When nothing else on this planet is confined to state boundaries, why do we still insist that justice be so confined? And frankly, a lot of states are just being dumb not to support more global justice mechanisms.

Want an example? Drugs! No, I don’t mean take them, I mean think about them.  Drugs are a global commodity, produced and traded and moved all around the planet by criminal organizations from at least a few dozen different countries. Why would a single state want to take on the burden of fighting a ‘war on drugs’ all by themselves? Its not even possible man! A truly global problem like drug trafficking simply demands a global solution…and a global justice system to try the folks you bust, and a global police to go and bust them.

Well, for now we at least have INTERPOL, which is a start.  But I must be honest with you here…it’s not really that much.  I think INTERPOL kicks total ass, but the reason that they mostly just deal with information availability is that they don’t have much of a budget or much of a staff to do much else.  (Last year they received $59 million in contributions from member states; in contrast EUROPOL received $90, and Bill Gates used $120 million in 100-dollar bills just to wipe his ass.) So they don’t have a lot of coin, or a lot of international authority, to do too much.

What does INTERPOL not do? INTERPOL action is taken within the limits of existing laws in different countries and in the spirit of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. INTERPOL’s constitution prohibits ‘any intervention or activities of a political, military, religious or racial character.’  And while it makes for great fiction, INTERPOL generally does not have a bunch of detectives out searching for clues at the crime scene, and rarely sends agents to go apprehend a criminal.  It works with the national and local police to get those things done.

It is still a cool concept to think about though, and you have probably seen reference to INTERPOL in a film or two as well.  Ethan Hawke played an INTERPOL agent tracking down the Nicolas Cage character in Lords of War ;a movie about the illegal global arms trade.  Inspector Gadget is supposed to be an INTERPOL agent. In the movie Mission: Impossible III, Ethan Hunt is told he is on INTERPOL’s Most Wanted list. My personal favorite—mostly because she is a hottie—is Agent Isabel Lahiri played by Catherine Zeta-Jones in Oceans Twelve. 

Actually, Agent Lahiri was a EUROPOL agent—EUROPOL is exactly like INTERPOL except it is a collaboration just of EU countries under a common crime-fighting umbrella.  However, Agent Lahiri is forced near the end of the film to turn over the Oceans Twelve suspects to a group of folks posing as…can you guess?…INTERPOL agents of course! Dude! That movie totally kicks ass! That was easily the best acting job I’ve ever seen Bruce Willis do…oh, wait a minute, he was playing himself.  Hmmm, I guess that explains it.  But I digress as usual…

So now you know INTERPOL and what it does. You also know its limitations, and limited use in today’s world…a situation which all fighters for global justice must help remedy! As Batman and Robin would say: “Support your local police”….as The Plaid Avenger insists: “Support your global justice system”, and for now, that justice is INTERPOL.

Crime is no longer just local, and so justice should not be either.  Rock on, fighters for truth and freedom on the planetary platform!

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India Says ‘Oh No’ to Nukes and ‘Oh Yeah’ to Oil; US says ‘Oh Shit’

• World
• South Asia & Central Asia

Hello again fair and fanciful friends! It is I The Plaid Avenger, coming at you live from Nigeria where I have been partying all day with my main man Manmohan Singh….that would be Prime Minister Singh to you! But he ain’t no politician from Nigeria my brothers and sisters; he is the leader of India. So what’s this Indian brother doin’ hanging in western Africa? I’m glad you asked! It’s got everything to do with India’s thirst for energy…two different types of energy to be exact, combining two different issues with two different Indian allies…but all the shit is going down at once! Dig it:

Indian prime minister seeks more trade with oil-rich Nigeria

India’s ties with Nigeria, Africa enter new era

India eyes Nigeria energy

PM moots strategic ties with Nigeria

Manmohan To Bush: Difficulties In Implementing N-deal

Singh’s Nuclear-Energy U-Turn Lets India Down

Difficulties in n-deal operationalisation, Singh tells Bush

Our main man from New Delhi has been meeting with the Nigerian President Umaru Yar’Adua today to firm up a whole shitload of commitments between the two countries. India and Nigeria want to work together to increase trade between the states; to form a united front to counter the current international financial systems which are not very ‘developing-country friendly’; and even to work together to ensure that India gets a primo spot on the UN Permanent Security Council…should that group ever get around to expanding. But mostly they talked about cash! Oops, I mean economic ties…that’s the more politically correct term for politicians…

But dudes, we all know its about the dollars man! These two world leader cats were cementing trade deals and promising investment packages and doing everything they can to work together better. Nigeria is India’s largest trading partner on the planet, and the Nigerians are anxious about getting more basic manufactures and cheap shit from India, in return for some resources that the Nigerians hook up the Indians with. Africa as a continent is just loaded with resources that rich and poor countries alike are hungry for.  Lots of resources!

Dollars and resources! And the one resource in particular that India gets is…can you possibly even guess?….it’s oil!  Nigeria is the world’s 8^th largest exporter of oil on the planet right now, and India is the 6^th largest user of oil on the planet….and here is the kicker: India ain’t got none of their own! None! They’ve got to import it all baby! So Singh and his boys from Bollywood can claim that they are hooking up with the Nigerians for a million and one different reasons…but we all know that it’s really all about that petroleum!  India has got to have the oil, man!

Oh BTW, when countries talk about getting oil nowadays, they refer to it as ‘energy security talks’ Ha! I got something you can secure! What the hell ever! You guys are talking about buying and selling oil, and the Avenger knows this!

And Singh knows this too. India must have energy to continue on their path of development. They must have the go-go juice in order to build and operate all those new factories and industries which will be supplying the world with lots of cheap labor trinkets. India also has serious development in the high-end computer and software sectors too…and you need energy to keep those screens on as well. And there is the small matter of a billion people in the country that would like to have lights and TVs and microwave ovens and all that shit.  Therefore, India must import more and more energy in order to keep their economy running….ergo, they import a fuck-ton of oil from Nigeria. 

But wait…I thought the world was trying to get away from oil dependence? Why don’t the Indians just use some other type of energy? Well, as stated above, India ain’t got no oil. They do have some coal, but that is awfully polluting fuel for a billion people to use. As is wood. Or dried cow dung.  So India simply doesn’t have a lot of energy options.  Oh! Oh….wait!  Oh….Oh….Oh…I got it! Call on me teacher! I’ve got the answer! Call on me! My hand is up!…How about nuclear energy?  Yeah! Damn I’m good. See, India already has nuclear technology; hell, it has a nuclear program and nuclear bombs! So they can just start making nuclear energy….right?

Wrong! Check the other stories above for the ‘no to nukes’ bomb that Singh dropped today. Pun intended.  US President Bush had to call back Indian Prime Minister Singh while he was in Nigeria today to hear the bad news that a proposed Indian-US nuke deal was going to get shot down in the Indian Congress.  How bizarre is that story? US calls India in Nigeria. Confused enough yet? Let me clarify quickly…

Almost all the major world powers which possess nuclear weapons have signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT), which basically states that they won’t proliferate or distribute nuke technology to anybody else. However, I did say almost all.  India, Pakistan and Israel are three states known to possess nuke technology, but who have not signed this treaty—and all for very, very different reasons too, which I won’t get into here. As you can imagine, this treaty is mostly to ensure that nobody is making nuke weapons, but nuke power technology is allowed by the NPT, which makes enforcement of it tricky…i.e. see IRAN in current events.

Just know this for now: if you aren’t signed up for the treaty, then you are not allowed to access civilian nuke technology or buy fuel for nuke energy production either.  Which is why India is stuck.  But the US likes India! The UN likes India! Hell, everybody likes India! Okay, maybe not Pakistan. But most of the world sees India as a multi-cultural society and stable democracy that is developing rapidly in the modern world. And since they already have the nuke technology, most think they can handle nuke energy.  But that pesky NPT! What to do about that?

Well, US President George Bush thought of what to do a few years back: bend it a little.  In an effort to strengthen US-Indian ties, Georgie has been working tirelessly (okay, someone who works for Georgie has been working tirelessly) to make India the exception to this NPT rule. The United States-India Peaceful Atomic Energy Cooperation Act of 2006 is the legal framework for a bilateral pact between the US and India under which the US will provide access to civilian nuclear tech stuff and access to nuke fuel in exchange for IAEA-safeguards on civilian Indian reactors.

In other words, the US will personally work with India to get them the goods (nuke energy technologies and fuel) and in return India promises to abide by all the major rules of the NPT (especially the ‘no proliferating’ part) and the IAEA—International Atomic Energy Agency—would also be participating to do inspections and enforce the rules.

Everybody was all about this shit man! Mohammad El Baradei of the IAEA thought it was a good idea. Prime Minister Singh thought it was sweet that India would be getting all kinds of cheap fuel for his economy. Sweet!

And the Bush Administration? Holy shit! They were tickled pink! Not only would the US get to make tons of money on selling India nuke secrets and fuel, but US corporations were going to be getting a hefty share of building the nuke plants to boot! And the US really wants the growing Indian economy to produce its own fuel….thereby lessening its demand for world oil…lower Indian demand means more left over for us! At cheaper prices too!  President Bush whipped up this agreement overnight, got it passed by Congress and signed it into law in a hot shit minute. The IAEA was working out the details, and all that was left to do was have the Indians formally sign the treaty. Let’s get this game on! Win-win-win baby!

Oops.  Unfortunately it lost-lost-lost.  That’s what the sad phone call from Nigeria to Air Force One was about earlier today.  The Indian political system is one of those kind of freaky parliamentary systems where there is no clear cut political party in power.  Like in the US right now, the Democrats control the House, the Republicans control the White House, etc. But in India, there is like 50 different parties in Congress, and for a Prime Minister to get any piece of legislation passed, he has to have a whole shitload of parties working together. He has to form a coalition government to get things done. 

You dig what I’m saying? The coalition is comprised of a bunch of different political parties that together form a majority.  On top of that, this coalition that forms has the responsibility of electing the Prime Minister himself.  Which means if enough folks in the coalition get pissed, they can actually crash the whole government by declaring a stalemate…in which new elections would be called for and a new Prime Minister picked.

Long story short, that is where our main man Manmohan Singh found himself over this Indian-US nuke deal. A main party named BJP declared that India‘s entering this agreement with the US would compromise their national security by limiting their weapons program.  Worse yet, a bunch of Commie/Marxist parties declared their boycott of the nuke deal on the grounds that it made India a subservient pawn to the ‘imperialist policies of the U.S.A.’. Dudes, did anyone tell those Indian commies that the Cold War is over? Read the papers man!

Anyway, this rant is over. End game: Prime Minister Singh had to throw in the towel this weekend.  If he would have pushed harder, there was a threat that the BJP and the commies could have gone for the government crash, so Singh let it drop. Singh has egg all over his face, because he swore this deal was going to go thru, and now he kind of looks like a dork.  The Bush administration/The US takes a serious hit too because this was one of the only bright spots of foreign policy they have been able to muster for 7 years. They were really fired up to be making India a stronger ally. Oh well, that may still come to pass. But for now: no nukes in India, India is tied to oil dependence, and the US will have to figure out some new ways for people around the word to stop using all the oil that we want for ourselves. Go get’em fellas!

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Dalai Lama at Oktoberfest? Let’s Get Enlit!

• World
• South Asia & Central Asia

From Burma to Bavaria! “O’zapft is!” my plaid friends: It is tapped! Greetings from an undisclosed beer tent deep in the heart of Munich, Germany where the 174^th Oktoberfest has kicked off and is in full swing. Ahhhh….I am in heaven, in my prime, and in-ebriated! What a perfect trifecta to be in! And of course the fräulein are digging my plaid lederhosen; but then again, who doesn’t? But I’m not just here to ride this two-week Bavarian celebration bandwagon; I came back to Deutschland from hanging with my Burmese Buddhist buddies to catch up with the grand pooh-bah of all the Buddhist monks, the main man, the Lama of all lamas: the Dalai himself.  Dig this:

Oktoberfest kicks off in Munich

Analysis: German-Chinese diplomatic crisis

Merkel Meets Dalai Lama Despite Chinese Criticism

China objects to Harper meeting with Dalai Lama

Dalai Lama renews calls for Tibetan autonomy

Dalai Lama meets with Austrian chancellor, irking China

The Dalai Lama is one dude who stays always on the move…which is made easier by the fact he has no place to call home! Just in the last couple of weeks, the Dalai Lama has visited the President of Austria, the Prime Minister of Canada, and the Chancellor of Germany, Miss Merkel-icious herself, Angela Merkel! And all these visits really piss off the Chinese government.  Now, the Chinese may just have gotten hot and bothered when the Lama went to Austria and Canada, but they were full-fledged infuriated by the fact that Germany allowed a meeting with Merkel and the monk.  So pissed that now China is saying that diplomatic ties have been permanently damaged! What? Damaged ties because a dude in a maroon toga talked to Angela for an hour? What gives?

I’m glad you asked my plaid friends, because that is the reason for today’s blog….well, that and about 13 quarts of Bavaria‘s finest. But I digress as usual.  Who the hell is this Lama guy, and why do his visits with world leaders leave the Chinese government seeing red?

This particular Lama (his given name is Tenzin Gyatso) is the 14^th of his kind: the successive Dalai Lamas form a lineage of allegedly reborn magistrates which traces back to 1391. The Dalai Lama position is to be the spiritual leader of a main branch of Buddhism referred to as Northern Buddhism, or Tibetan Buddhism. (This division is more geographic than dogmatic: it does not necessarily correspond to philosophical or doctrinal divisions among Buddhist worldwide, since they all share a common belief system and share most practices.) However, it is not his religious position that irks the Chinese: the Dalai Lamas have also been historically the ‘head of state’ of a geographic entity we refer to as Tibet.

Now, there is no way to keep this brief without pissing lots of folks off….but I’m going to do it anyway.  The area we refer to as Tibet has been various things at various times in the last thousand years: it was an independent kingdom, a vassal state, an autonomous region, a semi-autonomous region, a colonial holding, and a fully absorbed territory into a state we call China. For purposes of understanding today’s world, we need only concern ourselves with that last description…as part of Chinese territory.

During the heyday of the Manchu Empire in China, well over 300 years ago, Tibet increasingly came under the influence of the Chinese. But Chinese power was destroyed by internal factors and civil war combined with Western and Japanese imperialism in the 1800’s. AS China was falling apart, Tibet first became a pawn between Western powers (mostly Russian and British), and later began asserting its outright independence—and to keep the record straight for you, their ‘independence’ was proclaimed while China was self-destructing and the ‘West’ was preoccupied with World War 1. Basically, Tibet was largely just left to its own devices while all the other world powers were busy.

Long story short, once China got their act together (after WWII and their Civil War), they immediately starting re-establishing their presence in Tibet…and in fact had never renounced their claim of sovereignty on the area. The Dalai Lamas continued to partially rule in Tibet with, to some extent, autonomous power given by contemporary Chinese governments, until the People’s Republic of China invaded the region in 1949 and then took full control in 1959. The Dalai Lama then hauled ass to India and has since ceded temporal power to an elected government-in-exile. Which brings us up to date enough to understand today’s world…

The current 14th Dalai Lama seeks greater autonomy for Tibet. Not outright independence, but greater self-rule autonomy. The Chinese have interpreted this as a threat to their ‘sovereignty’—and let’s just call a spade a spade here….they hate the guy! They hate that he is so popular. They hate that he is well respected, and even venerated, as a world figure. They probably even hate his sweet-ass flowing robes. And they really, really, really, really, really, really hate it when any world leaders meet with the Dalai Lama because the Chinese think that the more recognition the guy gets, the more the world will demand that China give back Tibet to him. Its a similar issue to their Taiwan situation–the Chinese want NO ONE to officially recognize the guy for fear that Tibet will someday claim independence.

What is the Dalai Lama really up to? Well, the dude now tours the world—and he is the first Dalai Lama to go abroad—spreading the Buddhist message and preserving Tibetan culture. He does officially lead the ‘government in exile’ from Dharamsala,  India.  He is a fantastic speaker, promotes world peace, wildlife conservation, and a host of other awesome shit that has won him great respect, acclaim, and even a Nobel Peace Prize. Let’s face it: the dude is the Buddhist shizzle….how about we call him the Budd-izzel?

Anyway, as referenced in the stories above, the Budd-izzel Dalai Lama has been on a world tour this month, having just met for the first time ever with the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel.  Budd-izzel and Merkelicious…how delicious! And of course the Chinese are shitting themselves with rage. So pissed that they are claiming that it has destroyed Chinese-German relations. 

The Plaid Avenger’s take on the Chinese position? How about this: move the fuck on China! This is a moot issue, and everyone in the world knows it except you guys! No one is recognizing Tibetan sovereignty; no one is encouraging the Lama to declare a free Tibet; and no one is proposing any Tibetan independence resolutions at the UN! Just because a shitload of Americans have ‘Free Tibet!’ bumper stickers on their SUVs doesn’t make it so! Relax!

In fact, the Chinese-Tibet situation is extremely similar to another outdated, goofball relationship in the world…and that would be the one between the US and Cuba. Come on China! You guys mock the US for its blockheaded policies toward the tiny island state. Can’t you see that your issues with the Lama are just as foolish? Pony up and make peace with the guy, and give Tibet the limited democratic autonomy they are asking for.

But that’s enough Plaid rhetoric for now…I just mostly wanted you guys to know why the Chinese are currently so pissed at Germany, and why they will continue to get pissed at other countries in the future. Its because they are being goobers, and they hate how cool everyone thinks the Budd-izzel is. Jealousy is a bitch my Chinese brothers.  Better to come here to Oktoberfest and chill down on some brewskies….

Which reminds me…Oh Fräulein! Another round at my table please! And wiener schnitzels! Bring me a shitload of wiener schnitzel! Stat!

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The Sharif is BACK in PAK! Wait a second, where did he go?…

• World
• South Asia & Central Asia

Hello Plaid People! The Avenger here, having just escaped Burma after pissing on a statue of General Than Shwe. Only wish I had done it on the dude in person.  Now I’m in Pakistan to meet up with the former Prime Minister. No, it’s not a Bhutto call… I flew back because I heard the news that Nawaz Sharif was returning to Pakistan.  Check this out:
Former prime minister arrested upon arrival in Pakistan
Sharif in Saudi Arabia after Pakistan expulsion
On Flight to Pakistan, Sharif Sounded Defiant Note
A strongarm tactic that only exposes his weakness

Sharif was the prime minister of Pakistan–that is, until he overthrown, imprisoned, and eventually deported 8 years ago by General/President Musharraf. Sharif has been living abroad for the past seven years or so. Recently, he–like fellow exile Benazir Bhutto–has been positioning to get back into Pakistani Politics. Both Bhutto and Sharif sense that the General is losing power and popular support. And both are keen to take his place.

Last month, the Pakistani Supreme Court ruled that Sharif could return to Pakistan. This did not sit well with the General, who is already facing some serious dilemmas. First, Musharraf is facing external pressure from the West to (A) retire from the Military and (B) hold free and fair elections. Mush is also starting to catch shit at home because of his increased cooperation with America on anti-terrorism campaigns (for more info, see the Aug 29 blog post). Boy it is hard being the general these days… So the last thing Mush wants is some peppy political rival flying into Islamabad and creating a ruckus!

Anyway, so why the hell would I leave my true love Aung San Suu Kyi in the lurch to come see
Sharif? Because I was expecting an ASS KICKING! I figured the Mush-man would go personally to the airport and challenge Nawaz “The Sheriff” Sharif to one of those crazy Michael Jackson knife fights. Shit if I was going to miss that!

But alas, the General decided to fight Sharif politically and not physically, by arresting and RE-DEPORTING him. That’s right folks… Sharif was only in Islamabad for 4 hours… and he never left the airport! What a shitty trip! This also brings up one of the biggest questions amongst global travelers: does it count as going to a country if you never leave the airport? The Plaid answer is no. In fact, in my book you’ve only really “been” to a country if you have drank a local drink and loved a local woman, but I digress as always…

Anyway, So this airport stunt is sort of a big deal, because the Supreme Court said that Sharif could return, but the Executive-and-General said “get the fuck out”. By doing this, Musharraf is flagrantly ignoring an order that he–as President–is by law suppose to obey. Not such a good sign for Pakistan‘s democracy…

Or maybe it is. Maybe the population will not tolerate this breach of the law and will stand up. There are definitely a lot of pissed off Sharif supporters. Who knows! The moral of the story is to
keep watching Pakistan–shit is starting to get unstable.

Also, a funny note, here’s what the US Government had to say about the whole matter: In Washington, a White House spokesman described the deportation as an “internal matter” but noted that upcoming elections should be “free and fair.” Ummmm… yeah…right.  What a bunch of goobers… Why would the US go out on a limb for a guy who is obviously NOT a great example of democracy at work? Because Mush the Man is their biggest and best-est ally in the ‘War on Terror’ man! You know this! The US will defend Mush to the end.

Plaid Avenger final analysis: Mush the Man is not going to deal with any competition from Sharif–the guy he kicked out. My money is still on Mush teaming up with Bhutto–and what a coincidence: she is still planning to come back, but has been much more patient about the terms under which she will do it. I think we are soon to see a Mush match made in heaven….because by allowing Bhutto to come in as the Prime Minister, and by simultaneously renouncing his army leadership role, Mush can still pull off staying in power as President and overseeing the transition back to democracy…in his own terms. He really is running out of options, so its a safe plaid bet.

We shall soon see if the Mush/Bhutto love connection bears fruit, but one thing is for sure: Sharif has been ‘stood up’ on the Paki prime minister prom night. Sorry dude! Go have some of the spiked punch and try to get a date for next year. And as always:

Party on! In plaid of course.

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Shake Shake Shake Your Bhutto: The Perv is Stripping for the Presidency!!!

• World
• South Asia & Central Asia

Today’s story is the tip of an iceberg that will be floating your way soon global friends. I just flew into Islamabad from a quick stop in London, where I was able to throw back a few lagers at a choice pub with some fine Swedish beauties and check in with Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) on some recent developments.So what the hell am I talking about – a party with some Pakistani hotties?? Unfortunately no, but this could be just as hot:

Musharraf ‘to quit as army chief’

Musharraf said to agree to end his army role

Benazir Bhutto charges ‘to be dropped’

Bhutto and Musharrafy ‘reach deal’

Precariously Perilous Position: President Pervez of Pakistan

General Pervez Musharraf is easily the most totally fucked world leader on the planet right now—and his season of hell has no happy ending in sight either.  Man, I wouldn’t wish his position on a broke-dick dog. What am I talking about? I’m glad you asked my plaid party posse, ‘cause you Americans really need to know this shit, especially since your government has a huge interest in Pervez and the whole precarious Paki predicament! Here we go:

General Pervez Musharraf is also President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan. But make no bones about it, while he may be called President and walk around in a nice suit, he is still the main General and commands the armed forces. Mush took over the government by force in 1999 and has led it ever since. He is a huge US ally (Pakistan is the #3 recipient of US foreign aid), and major player in the fight against global terrorism, but simultaneously is not much loved at home. Pervez gets all that US aid and support in order to fight terrorism in Pakistan and Afghanistan—remember, Osama bin Laden and his funky bunch are thought to still be chillin’ out in the area around the border.

And Musharraf is trying to pacify the wants and desires of 170 million Paki citizens—that’s the 6^th biggest population in the world. It’s also a devoutly Islamic society, including the whole spectrum of religious views from the mainstream to the seriously extreme. It’s a society that has attempted to be a democracy since its inception back in 1947, with less than desirable results—the reason Mush took over the country in 1999 was because of massively widespread government corruption.  And Pakistan is a nuclear power, with nuclear missiles that need to be controlled.  And to fight terrorism, he has had to crack down on civil liberties in the country, which pisses off the locals.  And to keep getting international aid, he has to suck up to the western powers, which pisses off the locals more. And, and , and….and this guy is fucked!

There have been several assassination attempts, and violent protests always seem to lurk just below the surface of this society. The latest turmoil erupted over the summer when Pervez fired the leader of the Pakistani Supreme Court (the guy was just re-instated last week).  This caused widespread protests by folks who were pro-democracy and felt like Mush has too much power. It also incited riots by pro-Islamist groups who want the whole state to become an Islamic republic like Iran (maybe you heard about the Red Mosque shooting/stand-off back in July?).  Dude! Everything this guy does pisses everybody off here lately! 

With the attempted sacking of a powerful Pakistan Supreme Court judge and the rapid increase of shit being blown to bits throughout the country, his support is at an all time low and parliamentary elections are rapidly approaching. At hand is some crazy shizznit, stemming mostly from the Perv’s dual role as president and military chief. Since seizing power in a 1999 coup, Musharraf has held both positions, much to the ire of many – including Nawiz Sharif and Benazir Bhutto, who happen to be former prime ministers now living in exile that are not known for their love for the Perv.

Sharif is certainly a critical part of this Paki saga, but let’s just talk about Bhutto for now, because she will soon be playing an important role in Pakistan‘s political climate based on what is unfolding right this second. This hottie has been a political exile in London for quite some time, since being ousted from her position as Prime Minister on corruption charges—actually, she was thrown out of office for corruption not once, but twice!  Fired from being the Prime Minister in 1990, she came back and got fired again and exiled in 1996. Her father, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, was a highly controversial former president and prime minister of Pakistan that was executed as the result of some fucked up stuff that happened in the late 70’s—so the Bhutto clan is well known in the country.  The Bhuttos also started the PPP [the Pakistan People’s Party] which Benazir now heads, even though she is not in the country. She has been an outspoken critic of Musharraf for years, joining many in the calling for him to ‘remove the uniform’ and give up his military post while serving as president. Musharraf has repeatedly ignored the outcry with a big ass “Hell No!!,” and Bhutto has been unable to return to Pakistan for fear of arrest and prosecution by a sketchy judicial system.

So why is Bhutto—a critical, corrupt, exiled hottie—suddenly so important to the Perv? I mean, the lady isn’t even in Pakistan, right?? As stated above, Musharraf has seen his popularity steadily decline throughout this year for many reasons—the Supreme Court tinkering, the increase in militant Islamic activity, his pro-Western ass-kissing, etc.  He kind of ‘faked’ an election a few years back in order to make it look like the place is still a functioning democracy. To ‘fake’ another election here soon to regain another 5-year appointment could be explosive!  I mean, ask any woman about this kind of shit—you can only ‘fake’ it so many times before you get busted…ladies, you know what I’m saying out there!  If the Mush tries to slip another ‘set-up election’ orgasm past his people again, there will be a real explosion.  Pun intended.

So the General/President can’t fake it this time.  And he can’t win outright on his own either.  So what to do?  How about teaming up with a powerful, popular political party? Hell yeah Mush! Do that!  The PPP is very popular in Pakistan, and a power sharing deal with this group could widely expand the Perv’s support base. In addition, Bhutto herself has a pro-Western outlook and has been outspoken in condemning radical Islamic activity in the country—a plus for the US, which has been encouraging that these two get together for a while now. So what is in this spicy deal, anyway? Well, it is too early to tell, but the PA has got a serious tip on this one. Here is what could happen, and most likely will if things continue down the same path:

Musharraf will strip his uniform prior to seeking appointment? Holy shit PA—a naked world leader?? No friends, but I have seen a few in my day (and, surprisingly, Margaret Thatcher did have soft, supple buttocks). What this means is that he will he will most likely step down as military chief prior to the end of the year, in exchange for Bhutto’s, and more importantly the PPP, support. Bhutto will most likely be able to return to Pakistan, with assurances that she receives immunity from the corruption charges that resulted in her exile. She may even be given an opportunity to play a role in the future prime minister position.

Long story short: General Musharraf will retire. President Musharraf will run for the presidency again. And Miss Benazir will shake, shake, shake her Bhutto into being the Prime Minister. At least that’s want the US desperately wants—‘cause they are relying on Mush to keep up the fight against terrorism in the area, and it looks like Bhutto is going to help out with that too.

Hmmmm…..speaking of Bhuttos, I need to get back down to the local hookah bar for some local action.  Party on my friends.

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