The World's Plaidiest News Source
2007
Apr
26
Back in Plaid! Let’s get back into it with a bit of bantering about Boris…Boris Yeltsin that is: a huge figure, literally and figuratively, of the 20th century that you should at least have a working knowledge of. He is the guy who oversaw the transformation of the USSR into what we call Russia today. And what a transition it was! It’s nothing short of a miracle that this guy survived his time in office, much less all the vodka he drank while doing it! But I digress…
Yeltsin is laid to rest in Moscow
Lost on the Road to Yeltsin’s New Era
Memories of Yeltsin
Ah…..a man after my own heart! Revolutionary leader, statesman, reformer…and a total drunk to boot. What a combo! This rant won’t be long, but let me at least point out several things this guy did to make the history books.
First off, who was this dude? Boris Yeltsin was originally a building engineer by training, but entered politics at an early age and never looked back. Of course, if you are a politician in the USSR, then you are by default a communist party member too—after all it was the only political party to be in, and all the cool kids were commies since the Stalin era. So Boris was a commie working his way up the ranks of leadership up until the late 1980’s…you know, when things really turn to shit for the USSR. The Cold War was winding down, while Ronald Reagan was ratcheting up the heat on the ‘Evil Empire’ by building more bombs than ever. Ron Rocks!
So Yeltsin becomes somewhat of a visionary by figuring out that the soviet system was going to collapse, and he actually started speaking out for reform and accountability, which of course got him fired. But his cult of personality had already started in Moscow, and people liked the dude, and they simultaneously hated the commies, so his popularity grew. He was elected to the Russian Congress, and in 1991 he was elected as the President of Russia. (Remember, at this time Russia is simply one of the Republics in the greater USSR political organization, a sub-state if you will.)
What happened next is out of a storybook. The leader of the entire USSR at the time was Mikhail Gorbachev—you know, guy with the wine stain on his forehead—was trying himself to reform the crap-ass soviet system, while desperately trying to hold the impending shit-storm of a strained socialism together. In August of 1991, some hard-line commie hold-outs staged a coup to depose Gorbachev, and guess who comes to the rescue? You know this! Our main booze-hound Boris! He rallied the population, made a speech from atop a tank, re-captured the ‘White House’, and restored Gorbachev to power. All while brown-bagging a handle of Smirnoff! Wow! That is a historical figure I can rally behind!
Gorbachev was back in power, but the back of the soviet system was now totally broke. Yeltsin was now the man! In a matter of months, the Russian government assumed all powers of the Soviet government (you follow me here?), and in November of 1991, Yeltsin outlawed the Commie Party outright. In December, he set up the dissolution of the USSR into the independent states that you see on the map today. On Christmas Eve, Boris assumed the USSR seat at the UN in Russia‘s name, and officially declared the end of the Soviet Union. Game over dude. Cold War done.
And now I can more succinctly summarize what he did while in office as Russia‘s first President (ever!) from 1991-1999. Yeltsin can be credited/blamed for several things of particular note:
- Shift to market economy: He oversaw the transition from socialism to capitalism in what can only be called a ‘wild west show’ of privatization. During this orgy of capitalism, massive government rip-offs occurred which brought tremendous wealth to a small class of businessmen—now called the ‘oligarchs’, remember that from class? This transition initially caused widespread turmoil and near economic collapse, but it seems to have leveled off after a decade. It just happened so damn fast! People were in shock, and in fact Boris called his plan “Shock Therapy”.
- When this shock took full force, the Russian “congress” basically revolted in 1993 and was going to toss old Boris out, but he sent in the army tanks to shell the senators back into place. Seriously! He fired rounds at the damn building in order to maintain the fledgling democracy! This guy was nuts! The other use of military force that Yeltsin will be remembered for is the start of the war in Chechnya in 1994: a conflict which has mired Russia in death and destruction right on up to the present. He did this on the grounds of maintaining the integrity of the Russian state…but at a terrible cost so far.
- Entrenched democracy: Oversaw first full ‘real’ elections in 1996, which he won, but by all accounts was pretty darn fairly run. Also, his stepping down in 1999 is a momentous event in that it’s always the first real test of a true democracy when the first transition of power happens willingly, and peacefully. And that’s exactly how Boris did it. And who did he hand power to? Why our main man in Russia, Vlad ‘The Man’ Putin of course! Party like Putin!
Of course I need to finish this rant with the booze. Boris loved the booze man! He was widely considered a drunk by his opponents, and a hard partier by his allies…hey, that’s kind of like me! He was often tipsy at meetings, late for appointments, or just overslept his duties outright trying to beat down hangovers. One famous story concerned Yeltsin flying to Ireland for a meeting with the President, and being so drunk he could not even get off the plane! Ha! That’s usually how people leave Ireland, not arrive in it!
He was a loose cannon, a partier and possibly a drunk….and that’s why people were drawn to him. His easy-going friendly nature made him extremely popular in Russian eyes (they aren’t the friendliest folks, those Russians) and abroad. His was a big figure who oversaw big changes in the biggest country in the world. And through one of its most turbulent periods ever too! Perhaps it took a drunk like Boris to be able to survive thru such events and still maintain a sense of humor, and still get things done. Either way, he was a unique individual who made a big mark in history. And probably left a big unpaid tab at the local pub too.
It may take years for the Russian vodka industry to recover from the economic shock of his passing…
Comments
2007
Apr
15
Let’s hit it again Plaid Friends! Today’s titillating talk tilts towards the Turks and the two to three hundred thousand of them that are talking tough on maintaining their Ataturk traditions. And the legacy of Ataturk, the stalwart role of the Turkish military, and the tensions between secular and religious ideologies are all important components of today’s Turkey—affecting things like their political allies worldwide and more importantly their possible ascension into the EU. Ataturk? Military? Secular? EU? What? Well, read these, and let’s discuss:
Pro-secular Turks stage ‘Solidarity with Republic’ rally
200,000 protest against Turkey PM
Secular rally targets Turkish PM
Turkey academics oppose PM’s run
Turkish army keeps eye on politicians
As mentioned previously in the blog on Turkey‘s stymied ascension into the EU, Turkey is quite a unique country on today’s Plaid Planet. Turkey is an overwhelmingly Muslim country (99% of the population), but is simultaneously a 100% secular state. This makes it one-of-a-kind as far as states go, especially ones so close to the Middle East. What does secular mean? It means that there is a strict separation between church and state—you know, just like the USA.
Except you should know this: the Turks are even more extreme and protective over this separation than the US, or really any other secular democracy on the planet. The state is the state, Islam is Islam, and in Turkey, the two shall never meet. This can be seen in its most dramatic form by laws in Turkey which completely ban all forms of religious dress, symbols or ornaments inside government buildings. Total ban. So, if you want to visit the Turkish parliament building, you can not wear the traditional Muslim headscarf, a funny Pope-style hat, or even a pair of Star-of-David earrings. Not that I’ve tried…okay you got me—I actually was busted wearing all three at one time. It did not go well. Luckily, I was undercover in Brooklyn, so I didn’t have to tangle with any pissed off Turks…
But I digress. Turkey has been this extreme on religious separation since the inception of the modern republic back in 1923. Under General Mustafa Kemal aka Ataturk, Turkey embraced western-style democracy and social systems, tried to modernize and industrialize, and looked to emulate the Western European states as much as possible—which included adopting a staunchly secular outlook. Just so you know, Ataturk is short for ‘Father of the Turks’ and he is largely seen as ‘the George Washington’ of today’s Turkey. He is revered and respected still; perhaps even more than good old George is here. He was a strong leader, with a strong military background, who genuinely believed that Turkey‘s best chance for the future was to look West rather than embracing religious/political systems from the East…Middle East that is.
He felt so firmly in this that he made sure that the Turkish military was very strong…specifically strong enough to always be able to thwart any organized attempt to introduce religion onto the political system. And thwart they have. The Turkish military has cleaned house several times in the last few decades: essentially by conducting military coups, firing all the lawmakers/heads of state, and then re-establishing the democracy with fresh elections. Hardly the most democratic way to do things, by western standards, but it still has seemed to work for Turkey.
And thus, this: today’s Turkey is becoming tumultuous because there is a perceived threat that political Islam is making headway into the system. As cited in the stories above, the current Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan is himself from an Islamist party, and many fear he may pursue a pro-Islamic agenda if elected to become the next President…a post which will be vacant soon. The Turkish ‘Congress’ is controlled by the same Islamic party and thus Erdogan would be a shoe-in for the nomination, and the subsequent victory if he so desires. (The ‘Congress’ elects the President, not the people—they vote for the Prime Minister position)
And that is why secular fans are protesting across the country right now—to show at least through demonstrations that they are not keen on such a venture. Look at the pictures too—posters of Ataturk are everywhere. After reading this short blog, you are probably now aware of another group that would not be keen on Erdogan as President. Can you guess? Yep, that’s right: the military. Look again at the story above about the general giving Erdogan a polite ‘warning’ concerning his possible candidacy. Interesting stuff.
Is Erdogan actually going to push for an Islamic state? In the Plaid view: not hardly. No one in Turkey is dumb enough to do that, at least not openly. Why? The military coup option of course! But beyond any threat of military action, Prime Minister Erdogan is a fairly ‘westward-leaning’ guy himself: he is one of the biggest forces behind EU entry. And he has already been smacked down by the EU before for trying to pass laws to criminalized adultery (among other things), which where interpreted by the EU as being too religious-based. So Erdogan may be from an Islamic party, but his EU-minded sensibities would argue against any radical ‘Islam-itization’ of the government. Well, that and the fact the army would probably come kick his ass. Hmmmm…possible ass-kicking always seems to weigh heavily on the minds’ of world leaders…
Speaking of ass-kicking and world leaders, have you seen what Vladimir Putin has been up to? Damn, that is one world-leader-cat that I would never want to piss off.
Anyway, be sure to watch Turkish developments in their next presidential election to see how things turn out. The Ataturk secularists will be watching close, as will the Turkish military, as will the EU, as will the US—because the US wants Turkey to stay staunchly in that secular/western-leaning column since they are a NATO ally, and perhaps our ony damn friend left anywhere in/near the Middle East. But that’s another story….
Comments
2007
Apr
12
Hello Plaid friends! Just got back from Beijing where I was being fitted for some custom-made plaid boxer-briefs. You can’t get that kind of high quality shit here in the states, and when the measurements are taken by a team of Chinese hotties…well, let’s just say “me love China long time!” And my Plaid brothers, let me give you a small piece of advice: boxer-briefs. Not boxers. Not briefs. But boxer-briefs. Ask any lady—they totally dig the boxer-briefs. And in plaid? Watch out! You will be irresistible!
Anyway, after the marathon boxer-brief bonanza, I bumped into a bodacious brother that I feel all worldy-wise people should know about—Wen Jiabao. Who is the man in China? Yes, Hu is the man in China! But you need to know the Hu, what, where and Wen of China, and Wen is the subject of this rant. Wen? Now!
Premier Wen visits Japan
China ‘wants better Japan ties’
Chinese PM announces Ghana loan
China gives Cambodia $600m in aid
China PM lauds India agreements
Wen Jiabao is China’s Premier/Prime Minister, and easily one of the hardest working cats on the foreign relations front from anywhere on the damn Plaid planet. This guy is a serious Chinese ‘Johnny Hustle’ man! He has been busting his ass for years touring the globe and wringing hands and striking deals from Brazil to Sudan to India to Australia. Back the fuck up my friends, don’t get in this guy’s way, ‘cause he means business–literally!
The US Secretary of State Condelezza Rice is usually out touring middle eastern hotspots and old Cold War allies trying to put a positive spin on the current administrations debacles. Meanwhile, Wen Jiabao has been hitting every singe region and state on the planet cutting business, trade, and energy deals. He also has been cementing strategic alliances, offering up aid and incentive packages for developing countries, and even firming up ties with old enemies (see story above on Japan).
The contrast could not be more striking that that between Rice and Wen: when Rice shows up on scene, it’s usually to scowls and harsh questions; when Wen is in house, its usually all smiles!
As you are reading this, right this second, Wen is in Japan addressing the Japanese Diet. No, he’s not talking about sushi and sake; the Diet is the equivalent of the US Congress—and he is the first Chinese Prime Minister to ever be invited to it for decades. And what’s he talking about? How China wants to firm up ties with their historic arch-enemy Japan…and the first thing he brings up is Japanese war atrocities during WWII! Man, this guy’s got balls!
And he commands respect too. Some in Japan will condemn his remarks, but the current Japanese leadership (Shinzo Abe in particular) are going to continue to strengthen their relationship with Wen, Hu, and China in general. He also is extremely adept at finding new friends in Latin America, in Africa, in the Middle East, and South Asia as well. This dude has been everywhere in the last several years! Simultaneously, the US admin’s main leaders have gone virtually nowhere…which is one of the reasons that so many places are finding it very easy to cozy up to China. Latin America and Africa in particular are establishing all kinds of trade links and relationships with China…a situation which is perturbing the US greatly.
But how can you blame these regions/countries from hooking up with China? China‘s economy is exploding; China needs the raw materials and energy resources that many developing countries have to offer; China often offers no-strings-attached financial aid to developing countries; and China is seen as a growing world political power with increasing clout, but not as an imperial power which invades other countries. Hmmmm…..who in the world would be seen in that light?
Wen has been cultivating these relationships all over the planet, courting countries large and small. And with great success. The fact that he is in office for life—or until the Chinese leadership wants him to go away—means that he will be active on the world stage for some time to come. So know Wen, and know Wen well.
Premier Wen is the nizzle, the whizzle, the Chinese fra-schizzle!!!
Comments
2007
Apr
11
The Plaid Avenger strikes! Time to enlighten but not frighten. Today’s topic: Afghanistan must seriously be going to hell in a hand-basket, and the feeble US news agencies, as well as the US government, just aren’t telling you shit! Check it:
More SAS to take on Taliban
Two more Canadians reportedly killed in Afghanistan
Australia to double Afghan force
US extends troops’ tour of duty
Plaid people! This is serious shit! The government and the media are all focuses intently on watching destruction in Iraq, but everyone seems to have forgotten that the US/NATO invaded Afghanistan many, many moons ago too, and the situation is getting worse! WTF??? AS far as the Plaid is concerned, Iraq is in a full state of civil war, and no amount of US money, soldiers, or bombs is going to stop that process now. It sucks to be sure, but I just call them like I see them.
But the bigger point is this: Iraq has become such a political hot potato in US culture, that everyone has conveniently forgot that there is a still very much active war against the Taliban in Afghanistan….and the US/NATO is losing that one too!!! The US, along with all of its staunchest NATO allies, is quietly increasing the numbers of troops that are being sent to the land-locked, land-mined, dusty desert of Central Asia. And they ain’t being sent to set up circus tents either. Given that the US military is already over-extended in Iraq, the fact the they are putting ever-more-scarce troops in Afghanistan can only mean one thing: bad shit is happening, and it’s libel to get much, much worse.
The world somehow assumed that the Taliban were beat, done, and gone a few years ago…but SURPRISE! They are back, and in full fighting force. The above headlines reference not only increases in troop numbers, but also more frequent deadly attacks on NATO forces there—the Canadians alone have lost 6 to 8 men in the last several days. How is it that the Taliban are regrouping and gaining support? For the very reasons that they came to power in the first damn place!
The Taliban are a hardcore, extremist, religious fundamental group that essentially want to recreate the 11th century again here in the 21st, and that sounds shitty to folks like us in the rich world. But you’ve got to understand that folks in an impoverished, chaotic, lawless, and shit-filled situation (like Afghanistan) think that returning to the 11st century may be A-okay! Why not? The 21st century sucks for them so far! But seriously, the extremism of the Taliban did bring law an order to a chaotic, warlord dominated state; the Taliban did bring an organized and uncorrupted government (fucked up, but not corrupted) to Afghanistan; and the Taliban—yes, the Taliban—even decreased the amount of opium being produced in the state.
While the Plaid Avenger still personally despises the Taliban because of their totalitarian tactics and utter lack of respect for human rights, I at least understand why they were successful in coming to power the first time, and why they seem to be having a resurgence here as of late. Do you now see why? Because the state totally sucks for most people man! From warlord-dominated chaos and poverty to NATO-dominated chaos and poverty, folks in this country have not had much to hope for. And to be honest, the only entity that has ever had any success in controlling this state for even a limited time has been….can you guess?….yep, that’s right: the Taliban.
Let’s get one thing straight Plaid People: I think they suck. The Plaid Avenger fights for justice, human rights, human dignity, and human equality, and thus the Taliban is no friend of mine. But I want you to understand the dilemma of the people in Afghanistan, and indeed of the NATO forces in Afghanistan as well. Shits gotta change. Just trying to kill the bad guys isn’t enough anymore. Because as the US/NATO forces have found out, there is no killing of all the bad guys…they will never get them all. ‘The West’ has got to change its attitude about invading countries to simply kill bad guys. It hasn’t worked, its not working, and it’s not going to ever work.
Do I have all the answers about how to do it right? Nope. I am simply one slightly tipsy superhero who hopes that someone in the US state Department, or the NATO command, or at the UN figures out that it takes more than bombs and bullets to win these battles. In Afghanistan, life sucks, everyone is impoverished, most are hungry, the economy is non-existent, locals are dying, NATO troops are dying, and opium production has just reaching an all-time record high (pun intended), while the damn country is being occupied by the US.
WTF? How is killing a bunch of renegade desert bandits going to change any of that? Plaid Avenger Afghan 3-month forecast: Look for it to be a long, hot summer of death and destruction, with highs in the upper 110’s…and highs in the opium fields too.
Write your Congressman. Write NATO. Join the French Foreign Legion and invade the Vatican. Whatever it takes to make a change.
Party on
-PA
Comments
2007
Apr
9
Iran: “Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, oh please won’t somebody bomb us? We, the Iranian leadership, are begging the international community to come bomb the shit out of our civilians so that we may claim a higher moral ground than you, while simultaneously infuriating our population into being as extreme as we are. Won’t you please help?”
Iran says begins industrial scale uranium enrichment
Iran’s industrial scale fuel production a prelude to talks
Europe: Majority supports strike on Iran
Oops. Does the Plaid Avenger seem too cynical here? Oh well. I just call’em like I see’em sometimes. And it really pisses me off too. I would love to see a poll out of Iran which shows the majority attitude of the Iranians on the street. I would love to eat my hat after seeing some sort of huge majority of Persian folks that actually support the rapid acceleration of pissing off the rest of the planet.
You can’t really even just point at the US or the Europeans as the only groups that are not happy about these Iranians developments: you all should know by now that the UN Permanent Security Council unanimously voted for sanctions against Iran—that means Russia and China are not thrilled with these events either (at least publicly). The IAEA (International Atomic Energy Agency) is not particularly optimistic that much good is going to come of this, and of course ‘the West’ takes these maneuvers as a prelude to aggression. Is it? I don’t really think so, but I do believe all of the Iranian government actions are definitely intended to evoke a response—a response which will include escalating the conflict. What a crock of shit.
This whole drama of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad jumping up and down screaming that it is his nation’s god-given right to have nuclear power is a theater of the absurd. Couple that with the preposterous holding of 15 British sailors deal last week—man, that shit looked like a badly produced ABC after-school special from the 70’s—and you have the makings of a full-on global confrontation…and for what? So that Iran can become a major strategic player in the Middle East (which they already are), so that Iran can become a major energy power (which they already are), or so that Iran can be respected at the world table as an equal of the US, Russia, and China (which is impossible given the way they are trying to achieve this). Hell man, I have no idea what these folks hope to gain anymore. Maybe some of you have some opinions?
The Plaid Avenger’s best guess is that they want to be the sole Middle Eastern power to thumb its nose at ‘the West’ (and the wider world in general) because most other countries in the Middle East have strategic ties to the US, and are therefore seen as sucking up to ‘the West’. And it’s partly an ethnic/religious thing too, that you certainly must know to understand the situation. Here is the deal:
Iran is ethnically Persian and religiously Shiite Muslim. Most of the rest of the Middle East is ethnically Arab and religiously Sunni Muslim (particularly the main power players of Saudi Arabia and Egypt.) Iraq‘s current civil war is based on these exact divisions. These groups of folks have not gotten along well for a millennium or so, and it doesn’t appear that it’s getting any better anytime soon. Anyway, here in the 21st century there is definitely a power struggle, or struggle for influence, occurring within the greater Middle East which is pitting these two teams against each other. Throw in a few other teams (Team Turkey, Team Israel, and Team ‘West”) and you have a good old fashion cage-match going down.
Because so many of the Arab/Sunni countries have strategic ties to the US, Iran is now seen as the sole power that is ‘uncorrupted’ by ‘the West’: a theme that seems to be getting them some respect across the region as of late. And by obtaining nuclear power/a nuclear weapon, Iran will certainly become more of a player on the world stage than any of its Arab/Sunni neighbors. Specifically, a nuclear weapon would put them into a serious strategic power position to be able to throw its weight around about the Israeli/Palestine conflict, and not fear any retribution from ‘the West’. Thus, Team Persia would be the unequaled power leader of the region. Oh, wait a minute….that’s why they would want a nuclear weapon. I guess you really can’t blame them.
But while the future may hold some higher status for Iran, it’s not going to come without a high price…if it comes at all. I guess that’s what it’s all about; just a global high-stakes poker match that Iran hopes to bluff its way through. Well, I guess it’s definitely worth it for the Iranian leadership: after all, if their country gets bombed or invaded, it certainly won’t be the government officials that will get hurt. They never do. What’s a few thousand civilian casualties…or even a few hundred thousand? As long as the leaders look good, I’m sure it’s an okay price to pay. What a joke.
Comments
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Back in Plaid! Let’s get back into it with a bit of bantering about Boris…Boris Yeltsin that is: a huge figure, literally and figuratively, of the 20th century that you should at least have a working knowledge of. He is the guy who oversaw the transformation of the 
