The World's Plaidiest News Source
2007
Sep
25
From Burma to Bavaria! “O’zapft is!” my plaid friends: It is tapped! Greetings from an undisclosed beer tent deep in the heart of Munich, Germany where the 174th Oktoberfest has kicked off and is in full swing. Ahhhh….I am in heaven, in my prime, and in-ebriated! What a perfect trifecta to be in! And of course the fräulein are digging my plaid lederhosen; but then again, who doesn’t? But I’m not just here to ride this two-week Bavarian celebration bandwagon; I came back to Deutschland from hanging with my Burmese Buddhist buddies to catch up with the grand pooh-bah of all the Buddhist monks, the main man, the Lama of all lamas: the Dalai himself. Dig this:
Oktoberfest kicks off in Munich
Analysis: German-Chinese diplomatic crisis
Merkel Meets Dalai Lama Despite Chinese Criticism
China objects to Harper meeting with Dalai Lama
Dalai Lama renews calls for Tibetan autonomy
Dalai Lama meets with Austrian chancellor, irking China
The Dalai Lama is one dude who stays always on the move…which is made easier by the fact he has no place to call home! Just in the last couple of weeks, the Dalai Lama has visited the President of Austria, the Prime Minister of Canada, and the Chancellor of Germany, Miss Merkel-icious herself, Angela Merkel! And all these visits really piss off the Chinese government. Now, the Chinese may just have gotten hot and bothered when the Lama went to Austria and Canada, but they were full-fledged infuriated by the fact that Germany allowed a meeting with Merkel and the monk. So pissed that now China is saying that diplomatic ties have been permanently damaged! What? Damaged ties because a dude in a maroon toga talked to Angela for an hour? What gives?
I’m glad you asked my plaid friends, because that is the reason for today’s blog….well, that and about 13 quarts of Bavaria‘s finest. But I digress as usual. Who the hell is this Lama guy, and why do his visits with world leaders leave the Chinese government seeing red?
This particular Lama (his given name is Tenzin Gyatso) is the 14th of his kind: the successive 
Dalai Lamas form a lineage of allegedly reborn magistrates which traces back to 1391. The Dalai Lama position is to be the spiritual leader of a main branch of Buddhism referred to as Northern Buddhism, or Tibetan Buddhism. (This division is more geographic than dogmatic: it does not necessarily correspond to philosophical or doctrinal divisions among Buddhist worldwide, since they all share a common belief system and share most practices.) However, it is not his religious position that irks the Chinese: the Dalai Lamas have also been historically the ‘head of state’ of a geographic entity we refer to as Tibet.
Now, there is no way to keep this brief without pissing lots of folks off….but I’m going to do it anyway. The area we refer to as Tibet has been various things at various times in the last thousand years: it was an independent kingdom, a vassal state, an autonomous region, a semi-autonomous region, a colonial holding, and a fully absorbed territory into a state we call China. For purposes of understanding today’s world, we need only concern ourselves with that last description…as part of Chinese territory.
During the heyday of the Manchu Empire in China, well over 300 years ago, Tibet increasingly came under the influence of the Chinese. But Chinese power was destroyed by internal factors and civil war combined with Western and Japanese imperialism in the 1800’s. AS China was falling apart, Tibet first became a pawn between Western powers (mostly Russian and British), and later began asserting its outright independence—and to keep the record straight for you, their ‘independence’ was proclaimed while China was self-destructing and the ‘West’ was preoccupied with World War 1. Basically, Tibet was largely just left to its own devices while all the other world powers were busy.
Long story short, once China got their act together (after WWII and their Civil War), they 
immediately starting re-establishing their presence in Tibet…and in fact had never renounced their claim of sovereignty on the area. The Dalai Lamas continued to partially rule in Tibet with, to some extent, autonomous power given by contemporary Chinese governments, until the People’s Republic of China invaded the region in 1949 and then took full control in 1959. The Dalai Lama then hauled ass to India and has since ceded temporal power to an elected government-in-exile. Which brings us up to date enough to understand today’s world…
The current 14th Dalai Lama seeks greater autonomy for Tibet. Not outright independence, but greater self-rule autonomy. The Chinese have interpreted this as a threat to their ‘sovereignty’—and let’s just call a spade a spade here….they hate the guy! They hate that he is so popular. They hate that he is well respected, and even venerated, as a world figure. They probably even hate his sweet-ass flowing robes. And they really, really, really, really, really, really hate it when any world leaders meet with the Dalai Lama because the Chinese think that the more recognition the guy gets, the more the world will demand that China give back Tibet to him. Its a similar issue to their Taiwan situation–the Chinese want NO ONE to officially recognize the guy for fear that Tibet will someday claim independence.
What is the Dalai Lama really up to? Well, the dude now tours the world—and he is the first Dalai Lama to go abroad—spreading the Buddhist message and preserving Tibetan culture. He does officially lead the ‘government in exile’ from Dharamsala, India. He is a fantastic speaker, promotes world peace, wildlife conservation, and a host of other awesome shit that has won him great respect, acclaim, and even a Nobel Peace Prize. Let’s face it: the dude is the Buddhist shizzle….how about we call him the Budd-izzel?
Anyway, as referenced in the stories above, the Budd-izzel Dalai Lama has been on a world tour this month, having just met for the first time ever with the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel. Budd-izzel and Merkelicious…how delicious! And of course the Chinese are shitting themselves with rage. So pissed that they are claiming that it has destroyed Chinese-German relations.
The Plaid Avenger’s take on the Chinese position? How about this: move the fuck on China! This is a moot issue, and everyone in the world knows it except you guys! No one is recognizing Tibetan sovereignty; no one is encouraging the Lama to declare a free Tibet; and no one is proposing any Tibetan independence resolutions at the UN! Just because a shitload of Americans have ‘Free Tibet!’ bumper stickers on their SUVs doesn’t make it so! Relax!
In fact, the Chinese-Tibet situation is extremely similar to another outdated, goofball relationship in the world…and that would be the one between the US and Cuba. Come on China! You guys mock the US for its blockheaded policies toward the tiny island state. Can’t you see that your issues with the Lama are just as foolish? Pony up and make peace with the guy, and give Tibet the limited democratic autonomy they are asking for.
But that’s enough Plaid rhetoric for now…I just mostly wanted you guys to know why the Chinese 
are currently so pissed at Germany, and why they will continue to get pissed at other countries in the future. Its because they are being goobers, and they hate how cool everyone thinks the Budd-izzel is. Jealousy is a bitch my Chinese brothers. Better to come here to Oktoberfest and chill down on some brewskies….
Which reminds me…Oh Fräulein! Another round at my table please! And wiener schnitzels! Bring me a shitload of wiener schnitzel! Stat!
Comments
2007
Sep
23
Holy shit! We got game on again here in Burma, and leave it to a bunch of Buddhist monks top get 
this party started! 10,000 monks to be exact. And they are starting to get open support from the masses too…in a situation that is becoming eerily similar to the 8888 Uprising—remember that? This is a Plaid Avenger update story, since I have just reported from Burma week before last, so if you don’t know 8888 or the background…then check this first: Junta Jackasses Manhandling Monks?
Even as good as I am, I never would have predicted this crazy whack turn of events. Monks making my girl Aung San Suu Kyi cry? Wow. Totally insane. General Than Shwe and his band of merry merchants of death are up against the ropes to be sure….and the time may be right for their well-deserved departure. But don’t count those assholes out just as yet, because they have a long history of crushing their own citizenry. But first, to the news…
Protests swell against Burma’s military regime
Burma march largest in 20 years
Suu Kyi greets Burma protesters
Regional perspective: UN Security Council: The real battle on Burma
ASEAN leader appeals for restraint amid Myanmar’s growing anti-government protests
So what the hell has been going on this weekend, and why might this be the right time for us to say ‘ta-ta’ to Than Shwe? As seen from the stories above and the Plaid Avenger’s previous rant, the Burmese Buddhists have had enough, and have organized and taken to the streets. This all started as a protest over a hike in fuel process a month ago, but as predicted by the Plaid, has become a general movement across the country to get rid of the ruling military junta jack-asses, and finally implement freedom and democracy for the Burmese people. Sweet! Go guys go!
In a complete surprise move, they marched past Aung San Suu Kyi’s domicile, where our favorite freedom-fighter-hottie has been held in house-arrest for most of the past 15 years—and Suu Kyi came out to greet them, said nothing, but just wept for joy! Damn! These people are facing certain death and destruction, and they just keep putting themselves out there! How awesome!
So the monks are on the march, and are now saying that they will go on protesting indefinitely until the junta is jettisoned. A bunch of holy dudes without any weapons at all are preparing to face up against the Generals, who of course control the entire army. And you know what happens when dudes without guns fight dudes with guns….so this could turn nasty at any given second. So why hasn’t it yet?
Because the Generals don’t want to appear to be the butcher bastards that they actually are. Buddhist monks, like holy men in most places, are revered in Burma. The last thing the Generals want transmitted across the airwaves of the world are images of the military massacring monks. That just usually looks really bad. On top of that, 
a monk massacre may in fact incite the masses to go completely nuts and tear the government to bits. And make no bones about it: those monks know what they are doing…and they are apparently every bit prepared to face the guns and die for their cause.
So the Generals are in a real tricky spot right now…. They don’t want to appear weak, otherwise the fighters for freedom will be embolden to do more, and at the same time don’t want to get into a monk-mayhem-massacre to establish their authority. So they are doing nothing for now. But do not start the celebrations yet—if those assholes get put up against a wall, they will order the massacre of every man, woman and child in Burma. Yes, they are that cold-blooded and ruthless; their history speaks for itself. But the Avenger is extremely hopeful that this Burmese uprising may unfold differently than in times past, for reasons I want you to know…
So why might it actually be time for change in Burma? Why might it be time for Than to take a permanent vacation…hopefully to hell?
1) We live in the modern world. Communications are now instantaneous and global. If the junta starts widespread massacres, the entire world will know about it immediately. And due to global news sources, a lot more people know about the Burmese situation and are following its every move…unlike ever before. They could get away with that shit 20 years ago without anybody knowing about it, but not anymore.
2) The junta DOES NOT want the bad press. Burma is a UN member, but more importantly, a member of ASEAN—which is a powerful regional trade block. ASEAN has already criticized the junta in the past, and some members already want Burma out of the block. If they start doing bad shit, the UN, ASEAN and even APEC will not be happy with the regime, which is going to have political and economic ramifications. And finally, the big reason it may be time for change…
3) China may bail. China has stuck up for the regime for decades under a bullshit umbrella theory that sovereignty trumps all (you know what I’m saying here, right world watchers? we’ve discussed this China sovereignty infatuation in the past). China also has protected the Burmese regime in order to limit ‘western’/democratic influence in its immediate neighborhood. But China wants to be considered a legit and noble world power on par with the US. If a massacre begins, China is not going to want to stick up for those assholes, and thus ruin their own reputation.
But maybe you are asking, ‘Why now?’ ‘Why would China change their attitude now?’ Answer: China has only come into its own as a world power in the last decade. And the Burmese junta has been fairly well-behaved in that same decade—mostly because there have been no major uprisings in the last decade. So if a massacre ensues, this will be the first time in the modern era that China will have to decide if they want to protect a pack of monk-killing maniacs.
The Plaid Avenger instinct is that they will not. Remember, China’s reputation is already on the ropes from all the shitty products that they have been exporting here lately, and they are hosting the Olympics—so trust me, the Chinese DO NOT want any Than Shwe tarnish on their reputation right now; they are going to bail if killing starts!
And that would be the one big thing that would end this Burmese mess once and for all—for China to stop shielding them. The US and the UK have wanted to have UN involvement in Burma for decades, but since China is on the Permanent Security Council 
the issue has always been killed before it could come up. With the Frenchies now on Team US/UK, you can be sure that if a massacre starts in Burma, the US will put forward a resolution condemning the junta and possibly suggesting UN action. And I’m betting China may go along with it too to save face. Damn! Its amazing how hosting the Olympics changes a country’s behavior! Just think about this: if China were to protect the Burmese junta after a massacre now, it would not surprise me to see a lot of western countries boycott the Olympics! That would cause serious embarrassment for my main man Hu! China don’t want that! And that’s why they will bail from the Burmese bastards!
But speaking of western countries, its time for me to change out of my plaid Buddhist 
robes and head back west to Germany because Oktoberfest is starting! Hell yes! But wait, maybe I’ll keep my robes on, because there is a famous Buddhist partying in Germany already! Sweet! Time to get my Buddhist/Oktoberfest drink on!
Go get’em monks!
Comments
2007
Sep
21
Forget the Fantastic 4, you want to know about the Fabulous 5! Greetings from the New York City my plaid friends! From the United Nations Headquarters to be exact. And there are big things are going on in the Big Apple, not the 
least of which is the Avenger knocking back a dozen big-ass Manhattans—my mixed drink of choice here in the big city. Hey, the town’s so nice they named it twice, so I have to drink twice as much when I party here! But I digress as usual….While this weekend’s meeting will cover many tipples and topics, I just wanted to give you a quick rant about the UN’s most powerful component: the UN Permanent Security Council. Check out these stories related to this group’s recent activity:
Security Council reps discuss Iranian sanctions
Security Council Reform Resolution Fuels German Hope for Seat
Signs of shift in Iran stand-off
U.N. to revisit Security Council growth
U.N. Security Council has imposed an arms embargo on Sudan
The United Nations Security Council (UNSC) is the main organ of the UN charged with 
maintaining peace and security among countries. While lots of other committees do lots of other shit, all that shit only amounts to recommendations that are made to countries of the world. However, the Security Council has the power to make decisions which member governments must carry out under the UN Charter—a charter which all members states have agreed to. Starting to get the picture here? If the Security Council passes a resolution, it must be enforced…by force if necessary!
In example: if a country on the Security Council proposes a resolution to bomb Burma, and that resolution passes, then the UN has to act on it, and Burma will be bombed. That is an extreme scenario, but you get the point. In 1950, it was just such a UN resolution that led to the invasion of South Korea by (US-led) UN forces to counter the hostile North Korean takeover that we now call the Korean War.
But let’s look at the mechanics of how this shit actually works. The Security Council is made up of 15 member states, consisting of five permanent seats and ten temporary 
seats. Ah! Now we finally see the ‘permanent’ part of this group, and the reason for this blog. The permanent five are the US, the UK, China, Russia, and France. The ten temporary seats are held for two-year terms with member states voted in by the UN General Assembly, and broken down roughly on a regional basis (i.e. like 2 from Africa, 2 from Latin America, 2 from Middle East, etc.). So those 10 temporary seats are rotating, usually about half of them rotate out every year.
But the big 5! That is where all the action really is! Why? Because the Permanent Security Council members have this one all important distinction: veto power! Any one of the 5 permanent members can stop any resolution dead in its tracks. Russia or France or China can kill anything the US or Great Britain puts forward, and the US can crush anything the Russians or Chinese want to pass. It’s just that simple. And that’s what creates all the drama!
Why so much drama? Because for the UN to actually send troops or aid to any part of the world requires a resolution from the council. See, the entire Security Council votes on all issues, with each country getting one vote. For any resolution to pass, it must have at least 9 ‘yes’ votes, and zero ‘veto’ votes from any of the permanent 5. And the big permanent 5 don’t always see eye to eye on what the UN should be doing, because they all have different allies and strategic partners and motivations to consider. So to keep our example going, the US would actually love to pass a resolution to send in troops to Burma to straighten that shit government out, but everyone knows the Chinese would veto it in a hot-shit second because the Chinese are big buddies of the Burmese regime.
Need another example? Just think back to the lead-up to the current US invasion of Iraq. That is a US invasion, not a UN invasion, precisely because of the dynamics of the Permanent Security Council. The US was working damn hard to get the Council to pass a resolution to invade Iraq, but the Frenchies outright vetoed it, so the Ruskies didn’t even have to (which would have been likely). Thus, french fries became ‘freedom fries’, but you know that story already…
To keep it even more real, consider the current Iranian situation as referenced in the 
stories above. The US and the UK have for some time wanted to pass some resolutions to beat down the Iranians, but haven’t really bothered because the Frenchies and Russians would veto it. Now with Nick Sarkozy and the Frenchies coming over to Team USA, the sides are starting to get stacked in their favor….BUT the Russians are big buddies with the Iranians and will still likely veto any resolution that calls for military action against Iran. Can you dig it?
Just as a side note: China typically votes against any resolution which involves military action against any country. They are big fans of sovereignty, and as such think that only some whack-ass extreme behavior by a state would warrant the use of UN force. What wusses. Actually, they are hesitant to violate any other countries sovereignty mostly because they don’t want anyone to invade theirs. They just don’t want to piss anyone off.
And you should know that a country can actually decide not to vote at all—which happens quite a bit with the Chinese. They might not like a resolution, but if 
everyone else wants it, they will just not vote, thereby saving face. To keep our Iranian example: if the Russians eventually agree to some use of force against Iran, China will not want to stand in the way of a resolution that everyone wants, so they will abstain from the vote….so they won’t piss off the US, UK and France, and at the same time can tell the Iranians “Hey, don’t be pissed at us! We didn’t vote for it! Send your terrorist to their countries, not ours!” See how this shit works?
To finish, you just got to know your Permanent Security Council 5, and how their behavior in large part determines the actions of the entire UN. Many folks want to expand the Permanent Security Council membership and change some of the rules to better represent the world and end the predictable stalemates. Check the stories above for activity on that front…and know this: Germany will likely join soon, as they already are invited to virtually every high-level talk that the Council holds. You will often see news stories reference meetings like this: The Permanent 5 + Germany.
Hmmm….Germany….isn’t it about time for Octoberfest celebrations to begin?
——-
Comments
2007
Sep
19
Hello again World Watchers! Had to toddle over to Taiwan to check out their totally titillating and 
turbulent fifteenth attempt to join the UN: an attempt causing Chinese consternation and American aggravation. The President of Taiwan is Chen Shui-Bian…I call him ‘Cheesy Chen’…and he is a master at pissing off world leaders. What? How can a single little island nation simultaneously snub two of the biggest powers on the planet? I’m glad you asked friends, because this is a tricky tale that has potentially explosive repercussions on the global stage. How explosive? Well, just so you know, this little Cheesy Chen possesses the power to initiate a world war. Sound fanciful? Well, dig this first, and then I’ll explain:
Taiwan in fresh UN membership bid
U.S. steps up pressure on Taiwan to drop U.N. referendum
US should consider Taiwan’s need
Taiwan’s Chen seen likely to defy U.S. pressure
Taiwan Leader Riles China, U.S.
Taiwan loses Costa Rica’s support
President Chen Shui-bian is the current elected leader of Taiwan. He is also from the Taiwanese political party that is very, very pro-independence for Taiwan. Just so you know, Chen and his party barely squeaked through the last election with the win–meaning that they don’t have overwhelming support in the country. Most folks in Taiwan are not pro-independence, and in fact the majority just want to maintain the current nebulous status quo. The masses are not fighting mad for Taiwanese independence. But Chen and his cheesy chinesey crew are…
But wait…Taiwanese independence? Are they not already? Isn’t Taiwan already in the UN? What is the deal? Many of you probably erroneously assume that 
Taiwan is already a sovereign state with a seat at the UN…and of course many of you would be wrong. Taiwan is not a sovereign state. And that is what the stories above are about; President Cheesy Chen is petitioning the UN for the fifteenth time to allow them into the country club. But it is not going to happen. Not now. Not ever. Never. And everybody knows it. So why the hell is Chen still trying? And why does the attempt piss everybody off?
For most of its history, Taiwan was an island territory off the coast of China that was of no great significance. (Sorry my Taiwanese friends! You know its true!) However, Taiwan immediately became a Cold War hotspot when the Chinese Nationalists (Kuomintang), after losing the Chinese Civil War, retreated to Taiwan and set up a government called the Republic of China (ROC). Meanwhile, Chairman Mao and the Communists controlled mainland China and called themselves the People’s Republic of China (PRC). Acronym reference guide:
- ROC: pro-democracy, pro-capitalist, leaders of Taiwan
- PRC: communist (well, they used to be), leaders of China…yeah, the real China
The leaders of both ‘countries’ have long subscribed to the one-China policy (that there is only one China and Taiwan is part of China), each insisting on their own government’s legitimacy. Of course, all this went down during the Cold War, when capitalists and communists weren’t allowed to hang out. So, depending on where you hailed from, you could recognize either the PRC or the ROC as the legitimate Chinese government. Capitalist democracies originally recognized the ROC as the legitimate government of China and communist countries recognized the PRC as the legitimate government of China. So back in the 1950s and 60s, the US, most European countries and even the UN recognized the ROC (Taiwan) as the legit leaders to have diplomatic ties with. Hell, Taiwan held the ‘China’ seat at the UN!
In particular, during the Cold War, the US wanted to help promote the Taiwanese government because they were on our team…you know, Team Democracy/Capitalism! The US made economic and military and strategic ties which helped protect Taiwan from Chinese aggression and also helped make them a fully modern, rich nation. As such, America‘s policy has been, “If China invades Taiwan, we will defend Taiwan, by force if necessary.” And many other countries around the planet supported this endeavor by recognizing the legitimacy of the ROC. But times changed…
Since around 1970, support for ROC as the legit leaders has hugely diminished. Why? Well, because even the US and others had to finally recognize that the communist Chinese were here to 
stay. They couldn’t go on pretending that the 3rd largest country with the largest population in the world simply didn’t exist. In other words, everyone had to stop being dumb. So in 1971 the UN to shifted its ‘China’ seat from Taiwan to China proper. In 1972 the US initiated their ‘One China Policy’ which states that “the United States acknowledges that Chinese on either side of the Taiwan Strait maintain there is but one China and that Taiwan is a part of China. The United States does not challenge that position.” In 1979 the US switched their diplomatic recognition to China proper, but still maintained their strategic ‘protection’ alliance with Taiwan. This strategic alliance is underlined by the fact that the US sells Taiwan shit-tons of military hardware; a situation that continues to the present.
Since the 1980’s, as China’s economic clout has grown bigger and bigger, country after country around the globe has switched diplomatic recognition from Taiwan to China. The most recent was Costa Rica a few months ago. Taiwan now only has 24 countries which still recognize it as legit, as opposed to China which has 170. It should be noted that those 24 include powerhouses like El Salvador, Kiribati, and Swaziland. Getting the picture here? The number continues to dwindle because China refuses to do business with any state that recognizes Taiwan…and no country can afford to not do business with China anymore.
So what’s all this got to do with current events? Just this: in a strange twist of history, this crazy Cheesy Chen dude is in a position to start a major regional war by his whack-ass UN-seeking antics. How?
A scenario not unlike pre–WWI Europe has evolved:
1. The US has been committed to helping defend Taiwan if China attacks. Some administrations—like the current Bush administration—have sometimes outright declared this to be a fact. In other words, the US will counter the attack if the Chinese invade. Maybe.
2. China passed a law in 2005 that legally binds them to attack Taiwan should Taiwan ever declare independence. They claim there is no decision to make, no choice to contemplate. They will attack.
3. The current president of Taiwan is both a lame-duck president and avowedly pro-independence for Taiwan. He’s got nothing to lose. He might want to play high-stakes poker, where the ante for the game includes his whole damn country. The Plaid Avenger also thinks the guy has a serious screw loose too; Chen was shot a few years ago in what appears to be a ‘staged assassination’ just two days before the presidential election in order to gain a sympathy vote. You let someone shoot you? Dude….you are whack.
See where this could go . . . and fast? One yahoo in office in Taiwan now has the ability to launch two of the biggest world powers against each other. One false move in the middle, and everybody is pulled into the game.
So these completely bullshit attempts at UN recognition are just another big stunt by Cheesy Chen to rile up the world. Of course you now understand why his moves piss off the Chinese, but have you figured out why Chen bugs the US too?
Answer: if you haven’t noticed, the US military is kind of busy right now. Afghanistan, Iraq, possibly Iran, the War on Terrorism, the War on Drugs, and of course all those military air shows are keeping the US armed forces busier than ever. The US simply does not have enough ass right now to send over to defend Taiwan if a war were to break out.
And increasingly, many in the US aren’t sure they want to fight a war with the Chinese, even if they had nothing better to do. The US and Chinese economies are inextricably linked at this point, and no one would stand to gain from a war of any kind between these two heavyweights. And for what? An island that virtually everyone on the planet agrees is Chinese territory. Man, no one wants to get pulled into a pissing match over Taiwan. And that is why the US response to Chen’s words have been “Please sit down and have a tall glass of shut-the-hell-up’. Can you dig it?
Oh by the way, you may have wondered how the Plaid Avenger knows that the Taiwan resolution to the UN won’t pass? Because both China and the US, as members of the UN Permanent Security Council, have veto power over any resolution. And everyone knows that both of them would veto it. That resolution doesn’t have a snow cone’s chance in Sumatra to pass.
What’s that? You don’t know what the Permanent Security Council is? Well game on then! I’ll travel to UN headquarters in New York by tomorrow morning and tell you all about it. Until then…
Party in plaid!
Comments
2007
Sep
17
Whew! Finally thawing out from my weekend Arctic adventures, and what better 
place to do it than a coffee house here in Vienna, Austria. Hell, these people invented the coffee house! Mmmmm….soaking up the warmth of a good cup of joe spiked with Zirbenz…my favorite Alpine liqueur. Ahhh…inhaling the heady smoke of a dark bean roast whilst having my shoulders massaged by a sweet little fraulein…oops, where was I? Oh yes! Vienna! What brings the Avenger here, you ask? Well, I had to come down to chill at IAEA headquarters and party with my favorite Austrian Egyptian, Mohamed ElBaradei, who once again finds himself in hot water. Ha! How fitting! Hot water in a coffee house…oh my, sometimes I am too damn good! To the facts:
France ups ante in war of words with Iran over nuke issue
France seeks new set of sanctions on Iran
Europeans Tone Down War Rhetoric in Iran Nuclear Stand-Off
Western talk of Iran war premature “hype”: IAEA head
ElBaradei at center of standoff over Iran’s nuclear program
So before we get to this Elbaradei cat and why he’s so damn important, let’s browse over the headlines. In a nutshell, Iran has been developing its nuclear program at a rapid pace. Iran has claimed from the get go that their program is all about nuclear energy production, and no more. In their defense, Iran is a signatory of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT): a treaty which prohibits the spread of nuke weapons, encourages disarmament of states with nuke weapons, and allows for the development of nuke energy. So far, Iran has been a lawful abider of this treaty, having broken none of its rules. Sorry! I know a lot of folks don’t want to hear that. I’m not defending them…it’s just the way it is.
However, the US and ‘the West’ don’t like and don’t trust Iran, so they believe the Iranians are really after development of nuclear weapons. In their defense, they could be right. That Iranian regime is far from anything you would call stable and sensible. But given the US/the West’s involvement in all the countries surrounding Iran (Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan), I can see why they might crave the security blanket that a nuke bomb might provide them. This is just plaid conjecture of course, but I can understand why they might want one. Can’t you? Hell, if I lived anywhere near the Middle East, I’d want as much ammunition as I could get. Shit, I’d park a scud missile in my garage….but I digress as usual…
So Iran wants a nuke program, ‘the West’ does not want that to happen, and the issue has been heating up here lately…as if the Middle East needed more heat? The US and the EU have been 
bringing the heat by calling for strict sanctions against the country in order to force them to give up the nuke stuff. And this week’s heat has been coming from quite the unexpected source: the French! Ever since Nick Sarkozy took over as President of France (see: Sarkozy the Shit-Kicker), those guys have seemingly grown some escargot balls of steel overnight. The Frenchies have been insistent that all steps will be taken to ensure that Iran will never have a nuke program…including the possibility of war!
What a bizarre turn of events for the French: they are never the instigators of war….they usually just surrender when the war breaks out. Damn! You know you must be pissing people off if the French want to fight you! Shit! Hitler couldn’t even pull that one off! I just can’t help but think that the US is finding all this terribly amusing: the Frenchies are being more bad-ass than the Bush-ies! How sweet would that be though: the US sending in ‘the boys in berets’ as its first assault wave? Ha! Yep, this situation continues to get hotter and hotter as the weeks pass….but there is a splash of cold water to all of this rhetoric…and that cool water’s name is Mohamed ElBaradei. I refer to him as ‘Cool Hand Nuke’, and he is the real point of today’s blog.
You’ve got to know this dude, because his opinion, and his voice, will be seriously affecting how shit gets played out on our planet in the coming years. Big time. So who is he? Mohamed 
ElBaradei is an Egyptian diplomat and Director General of the IAEA….aka the International Atomic Energy Agency, a sub-organization of the UN. And an important one at that. The IAEA’s basic mission is to promote the peaceful use of nuke technology for energy purposes while simultaneously limiting nuke technology for weapons purposes. They are often referred to as “the UN’s Nuclear Watchdog”. These are the guys who do inspections on facilities the world over to ensure that the IAEA and the NPT’s aims are being met.
As the head of the IAEA, ElBaradei has the daunting task of compiling all the investigative clues and deciding if a country is breaching the NPT by trying to create nuke weapons. And this is a shitty job. Why? Look at the headlines again from above. Because there is so much political drama between countries, ElBaradei and his crew are constantly harassed from all sides when they make any decision or recommendation. No matter what the IAEA decides, its sure to piss someone off.
Want an example? Sure, here’s one you’ll remember: In the lead up to the current US/Iraq War, the US hounded the shit out of the IAEA to declare that Iraq had weapons. The IAEA went into Iraq to inspect, which pissed off the Iraqis. The IAEA couldn’t find enough evidence to support the claim of a nuke program, and ElBaradei made those facts public, which pissed the shit out of the US. As the story has unfolded after the US invasion, it turns out that ElBaradei was right, which pissed the US even more. In fact, the US was so pissed that it tried to block ElBaradei from being appointed to his third term in office. It was hilarious! The US tried to get their buddy Australia to put up a candidate to defeat Mohamed, but he is just to popular and even the Aussies wouldn’t do it! Ha! It’s just like high school man!
Long story short: know your ElBaradei. He is a level-headed dude who has been striving for peaceful resolution to world nuke issues for over a decade. He is routinely berated by the US and ‘the West’ who think he is too soft on Middle Eastern countries that they want to invade. He looks for facts, not speculation. He is a quiet, reserved man who doesn’t go to award dinners, doesn’t jet-set, doesn’t hang out with world leaders, and doesn’t play politics. He is a calm in the storm that is international politics: the mere fact that he pissed off nearly everyone is a good indicator that he is doing something right! As referenced in the story above, he put the smack-down on France for their hot-headed words concerning a strike against Iran by basically saying: France, chill out with ‘the hype.’ Quote: “I ask everyone to hold their horses until we do the process,” Ha! Hold your horses Frenchies!
Don’t mess with Mohamed my friends! This dude won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2005 (jointly with the IAEA), and he donated his winnings to set up orphanages in Egypt. He is the bomb! Oops…no pun intended. For all of this, and more, I call him Cool Hand Nuke. Hell, this dude may end up preventing a damn war or two, so be sure you know who he is, and what he is up to. His opinions 
can make or break a nuke program, a country, or a war effort. Seriously. If ElBaradei decides that Iran is breaching the rules, than one word from him can easily incite an invasion from the West.
As for me…its about time to hit the slopes. Where are my plaid ski pants?….
Comments
Page 64 of 72 pages ‹ First < 62 63 64 65 66 > Last ›
From 
immediately starting re-establishing their presence in 
are currently so pissed at Germany, and why they will continue to get pissed at other countries in the future. Its because they are being goobers, and they hate how cool everyone thinks the Budd-izzel is. Jealousy is a bitch my Chinese brothers. Better to come here to Oktoberfest and chill down on some brewskies….
